scattershot

So now that 2005 is here I can let the truth ring out.

enough with the sadness of 2004. I feel positive about this year. Sure I sat by myself watching Batman Returns, Survivor, and Ace Ventura Pet Detective and before I knew it I was drunk (It was miller time all the time) but thats how 2004 ended. 2005 I believe will end on a better note.

Lets run down the reasons why;

1. I look good, I smell good, I feel good.
2. I feel good. This is the first time in a while that I have felt really good about myself. If you had known me back in the day I would have thought a big looser of myself and taken any opportunity I could have to remind you how I felt hoping you'd take some sympathy on me and welcome me into your arms. Now Im focusing on the postives about myself. My humor, my personality, my appearance, my swagger all that good shit.
3. The band is getting a lot of hype. Its like now we are freakin rolling, despite the problems we may be having with our drummer we are still rolling and building steam as we roll along. He'll see it our way eventually and it won't take him long either. I predict shows with Protest the Hero and Silverstein in year 2005 plus maybe a small time record deal on an independant near the end of 05.
4. School ends in 2005. Which means I get a job (fingers crossed) which means I get out of my own and away from my depressing family. I love my family very much but they are the reason why I was depressed. My mom and dad hate everything in the world but each other no wonder I grew up hating myself and feeling inadequate, they made me feel that way with their defeatist attitudes. They will never know that this is how I feel and thats the way it should be. As long as they are happy with eachother they don't need to know they've had a negative impact on me. My mother doesn't believe I have the ability to make in the world and that I will fail and end up dead before Im 25. True story.

So I'll bet you are all wondering what happened with the phone call.... well I didn't pick it up. She left a message that was all happy new year c-ya. I didn't expect anything less.

Something is pushing me away from her. Maybe its because I don't want to be skeazy and slimey and be into someone who already has a boyfriend. All my friends tell me the boyfriend is not an issue... isn't that slimey. Plus shes a good friend of mine and I don't want to ruin that. Maybe I just feel very friendly towards her instead of being attracted to her and I was just confused, but I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to feel like I do for her anymore, but then its the strongest feeling I've ever known towards a female.

So in other news I've started listening to hip hop quite a bit. Lemme explain. Have you ever heard of De La Soul, or DL Incognito. The smoothest rap or hip hop I have ever heard in my life. Its fantastic you would have to have an extreme hatred towards rap or an ear for music that is only trained on one thing and one thing only to hate these guys. Its crazy. Plus I love Kanye West and Jay-Z's Black Album now. Word Up Holmes.

Beauty and Hotness... they name is Scarlett Johansson




Maybe she'll be mine 2005... or even 2006 har har

peace, love and soul
Scattershot.

Music: Jay Z - Linkin Park: Jigga What? Faint
Mood: Tonight 2004 ends goodbye shitty year, hello good year 2005.