scattershot

Im having this battle locked away in a dark room .... so deal.
Everytime I take this in I come out with a new perspective on myself.... very well
I've learned to discover that there is just something different, not bad nor good about the way my mind works. Just different. I long to find that type of connection with someone else.... someone who can just say that yes there is something that is just different.. and not all that bullshit about "oh I look different, so therefore I must be different" This is a feeling that lingers inside you and tortures your mind late at night as you try to find an answer to that ominous question .... why? Why does everything come crashing down, why is is that I am even here right now doing this when I should be out having fun like everyone else. The answer is because I am different.
When some pull people close I would push them away, some people can never find an answer for anything yet I seem to be able to find my own..... to look into myself and scrabble down all this pyscho babble bullshit that makes me sound smart. fuck that!
What Im really longing for is a way to settle my problems and move on. I don't know if any of that paragraph of bullshit meant anything to anyone ..... Im a little out of my own right now and maybe this sounds smart and maybe you could tell right away .... but this is my only way .. to vent and to try and put aside the feelings for one specific person who is unatainable.. yet feels like the right person .. like a soul mate. but then I am probably not of the mind to determine who is a soul mate and who isn't.

Everyone has a simple answer .. but I like to delve deeper than the simple. Im sorry.