scattershot

so my internet here has been down for a while... its soooo great to have it back. Im soo hyper-cafinated yet sorta burnt out from weed smoking its a wierd thing ... anyway I can't sleep so here I am.

I love this new friends thing on this site. I acctually get to find out who really does and doesn't like me. and the new profiles are pretty great too... all in all the new site stuff is really great. The layout is still a little wierd but whatever I got used to that before the new stuff came about .. or aboot. whichever way you prefer.

updates in the world of Scattershot.

demo is apparently finished and ready to be handed out. It really sounds like an independant amatuer recording by people who have no idea what they are doing when it comes to recording. but if you listen to the songs you can pick out the things we are trying to do and what we are succeeding at and failing at too. Plus Im a shitty singer and it shows on the demo.. just to warn you guys. but then I might be being a touch to dramatic about it.

speaking of drama I hate my life .. or at least that part of my life that likes to kick me when Im down.. or at least the part of my mind that likes to kick me when Im down by being all paranoid about the people around me. Im getting way too many bad vibes from people these days. I need a refreshing change of pace but its not within sight. Theres the girl that Im in love with but isn't attracted to me .. theres a girl thats in love me but Im not attracted to her .. theres people trying to set me up with the girl that likes me but not with the girl I like which is frustrating for me but I understand because all the other guys want the other girl for them anyway. Especially this one guy ... Im soo paranoid that she likes him .. likes him more than me even and that she'd dump her boyfriend for him but not me because hes charming, tall, very good looking, funny, into some of the stuff she is ..... and Im just me, short, fat, not very if slightly good looking, an emotional wreck, but into the same things she is. I hate being around these people because they drive me insane .... but I still always want to be around them because they are my friends.

Im gonna get a new look. I think I want to go with the hair that chester bennington from linkin park has in that live in texas dvd. that jet black modern mohawk thing is quite striking. Then maybe I'll totally change my style of dress too. I was thinking "gino?" (thats just my sarcasm ... sorry folks)

hey guess what Im crazy. well I keep getting the feeling I've lived too long and somewhere my life peaked already and its only downhill from here. I've had crazy dreams that are like my future and they are not someting I'd like to be. I've seen myself on anti-depressents living out of my parents basement trying to get a real job but not being able to get my head together long enough to keep one. I've seen people around me leaving me because Im too much of an emotional wreck these days to keep any friends. and I've seen myself go through a "its a wonderful life" but it tells me that everyone is worse for having known me .... cuz I come into their lives and make them a little sadder or ruin them or whatever. These are things that are really hard to shake ... I take dreams very very seriously.

FUCK!

that is all.
music: Yellowcard - the only
mood: nervously paranoid about the world around me.