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scarletharlet

I wouldn't admit it if you paided me

Member Since 2002

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Monday May 24, 2004

May 24, 2004
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Coming up at eleven...

I haven't always been the perky and out going person you all know! (That was sarcastic, teeming with sarcasms...)

I use to be a VERY angry, bitter, hurt little girl. I wore my damage parts like a shinny suit of bitterness, hurt, and rage. I bore it for all to see. It made me.

My freshman year I had a teacher, Mr. Koz, he cared about me. He saw me self destructing... he couldn't bare to watch it. He sat me down and told me I had to learn to set things free, or I was going to kill myself in tiny tiny increments.

I brushed it off, and got angry. At least outwardly. I was hurt, very hurt and that made me very very angry. I was a jerk to him, on purpose; I wanted him to sting like I did. I had recoiled back upon myself, back to suicide in tiny doses.

It took a long time, to take off my shinny suit of pain, and anger. I e-mailed him the first time one of my paintings was going to be in a gallery. He never e-mailed me back, and on opening night... he didn't come. I was heart broken; I wanted to show him I had change... no more tiny amount of suicide.

The show closed and my paintings came home, I guessed he had never seen them. I got a letter from him a few months later as I got ready to graduate. He has seen my work, when he knew I wouldn't have been there. He said he could tell I had let go, he could see all the bitterness in the paintings and he knew it wasn't with me anymore.

That was the day I finally took off the suit and put it away.

I'd like to think I am not that person. That she and me are very different people.

Now if only others had put there death suits away. I may have pegged the identity of 'tire slashing asshole.' to be confirmed soon.

If it is this person, I will seek an order of protect, and they will be arrested hopefully. This will not be pretty. This person is still angry from things that transpired 5 years ago. It's kind of sad...

In my life I'd like to say I've learned to let go, and I've learned not to regret my actions. It all gets me nowhere.

Thats about all I have to report.

Elmo's surgery when't off with out a hitch, one cyst and tooth removed. And he is just fine now. He fell over a few times after surgery when he tired to pee. It was cute in a dopey dog way.

smile miao!!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
h34rt4gr4m:
aww i'm glad to hear your dog is ok. and i'm glad to hear your ok too. i think i'm somewhat in your (old) boat. i'm bitter, even though i don't like to be. i've just been hurt so much.

anywho, i'm also glad you got your tire slasher figured out (at least pretty much.) it's stupid to be pissed about things that happened so long ago, even though many people (and even i) still do it.
May 26, 2004
tahliana:
I think a better way of dealing with the past self, is by accepting the fact that *yes*, i was that person, that person is still inside of me but she has grown to be the self i am today. Its all about self growth and moving forwards, if you deny that part of yourself, you are holding back other emotions you could be feeling. Not saying you WANT to be feeling the depressed suicidal person (of course!), but being able to balance all the emotions and self awareness together, is better than ignoring that side of your being.

Meh, im rambling crap but hey. Hello smile

Oh, and this made me laugh: VICES: Everyone should believe in somthing, I believe I'll have another beer. smile

heehe
May 26, 2004

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