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scarletharlet

I wouldn't admit it if you paided me

Member Since 2002

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Tuesday Mar 16, 2004

Mar 15, 2004
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So I could lie to you, and tell you that me and my dad have a this awsome, wonderful bond. But then I would be a liar, and no one likes a liar.

My dad and me, we didn't get along for a very long time. I'm not sure we do now, it's just we don't spend enough time together to fight. mostly.

My dad has always ben sorta off color and jerky towards me. My nickname is Piglet... I was a fat baby/toddler. Anyway, my dad never use to have anything nice to say to me. or at least nothing that wasn't back handed, example... "You look thin, for a you know big girl."

Anyway, two years ago my sister drowned. It hit my dad and step mom hard, she was only two. It was sad, but I didn't really know her, we hadn't developed a bond. I only met her three times.

I didn't notice a change right away, but about four months later, I got a letter. My father wrote me a letter, a real letter. My parents where married for twenty years, my father wrote my mom one letter in that time. The day before the paper where final.

In the last year my dad has written me five letters. Everytime we talk, he tells me "I love you" and "I miss you."

I joked with my freinds and my mom, that "he has termnal cancer" I joked that he was trying to fix everything before he was dead.

Today, My stepmom told me my dad's been sick for a few months. They don't know whats wrong, it's something with his liver. The are waiting on blood work, she said he didn't wanna tell me.

He was worried I'd get sick. He knew with fin. aid, and my mom, and school. I was very stressed out. He thought this would make it worse, and he thought I'd start spiting up blood again.

He was right. I my tummy has been turning for hours.

They where really positive about it, said it was most likely hepatiatis A or B. They will get better.

I'm not ready for my dad to die. My sisters are 13, and 9 months. They aren't ready for it. My stepmom sure as hell isnt ready for it.

I feel like even if my dad is only doing this because he's sick, I've just started to get to know him. it's not fair.

On the phone he said he'd see me soon. But he won't, I can't afford to go see him, and he dosen't have the energy to come see me. I dont have the will to ask, even thought he's visited me twice in the whole time I lived in p-town. (Thats three years).

I'm not sure what to say or do, I'm not good in these sistuations, I dont cry, or get upset. People think i'm heartless. I just don't deal that way. I let it go to my tummy, I can't do it any other way.

I'd rather not cry and have you think I'm an asshole.

Thats all ther is to report. Shit happened at work, but it means nothing. it's all jsut stupid petty bullshit. when you really think about it.

My dop won't stop barking, they people next door must hate us.


smile miao!!
redcrayon:
this is all really powerful stuff.
Mar 16, 2004

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