scarletharlet

I would love to go on and on about something happy or funny, but I don't really have anything like that to go on and on about.

Monday I got the news. I can't go to school next term, and with out an act of god, I won't be going back untill I'm 25.

Fin. Aid finally stopped jerking me around and made up their minds. I don't get enough to pay the tution I allready owe, let alone go next term. This was not how I saw things going.

My Mom and Step dad didn't make that much two years ago (the taxes for this aid years stuff)... They made a hell of alot more this year. Even so my mother when't bankrupt, and can't afford to make the payments on that. How is she gonna help me go to school like Fin aid says? If she had three thousand dollars laying around, she'd pay bills.


I'm sorta bitter on all this for the fact my mother married a man she hates. Shes not happy, shes in fact VERY unhappy, but thought it better to be unhappy with someone then with out.

She didn't realize this decion effected other people, (one) I have to deal with her crying and general unhappyness, (two) I can't go to school.

This may sound selfish, and it is. But I didn't get a choice in this. My dreams, my hopes got put on a big ass hold. My life is now on the backburner.

I haven't told my family yet.. I don't have the words for it. My mom will cry, and ball, and bargin. but it won't get us anywhere. I'll still be angry/sad/bitter and the lot. And she won't really inderstand.

My Dad will pitch a fit, yell, maybe offer up some funds. But really he has a family to take care of, my sister is only one, and he's paying off my step mothers school loans, my middle sister goes to private school, I'm also pretty sure he's slipping my grand parents money. He's got many loans as well. He isn't in a postion to help. And i'm not in postion to ask.

He will probly call the school, bitch, and get the same speech I got. Then he'll sort of accept it. I hope.

I can't accpet it. Going to school, getting my degree, and doing something with my life I loved, where all I ever thought about. I didn't have a back-up plan. nope no plan b here. It was all or nothing.

So the last few days I've worked my ass off for min. wage, and cried myself to sleep, because that is all I have to look forward to.

My boss told me tonight, if I can sell 30 Feliet's next week, He'll give me a ten cent raise. Ten cents above min wage. he didn't see the irony in the whole thing.

I know things happen for a reason, and they will get better. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

In other news... My Ferret is very happy, she is dancing all over the room as we speak. (she makes a cluck sort of noise and hunkers up, then jumps all over the room sideways or backwards.)
The vet says she looks good, sounds good, and seems happy. We may not get her a buddie, I'm not sure she wants one.

My cat is doing well, shes been mad because i was out of her food, and giving her the old stuff. But that was over this morning, she likes me again.

I don't wanna go to school for the next five weeks, knowing that it's going to be torn away from me. It seems silly, But I really like my photography teacher, and when i put my ass in gear. I do well. Same with my 3-d class. It's just hard to sit there.

anyway, things are ok otherwise. and thats about all to report....