saviorette

my subscription's almost up. how do i know that? well. the 20th birthday is coming up. that's how i know.

i just got done reading all the blog entries i've made this past year. most of them were intact except for several that were deleted for the sake of saving something that really wasn't worth saving. *reminder to self: never give a boyfriend passwords to anything.

so what's happened this year? hmm...

made the switch to the veggie side. with the help of winslow. funny how i only turned vegetarian after he deserted me on the horrid island. but it was all worth it. i've been on the green side for almost a year now. it flew by. i didn't think i was going to get this far. no one did. but that doesn't stop the questions. the stupid questions like "how can you not eat meat?" or "you're fuckin' with the whole food chain gig. we're at the top. celebrate it!"

fell in love only to have it backfire. don't know how to sum that up, but i think i have something...

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

and other stuff that probably shouldn't be disclosed in such public settings...