saturn1

i feel rather alienated from what i know the most right now. like, i dunno. i have a lot of new friends that i fit with so well. and the old ones i guess i'm growing away from ...but i guess i expected to be done with that by now. maybe it never really stops.

anyways, in talking to my ex tonight about if i ever did nudes and put them up at say, SG. i began to wonder if i was being stupid and expecting too much or if he was expecting me to do to much for him. i'm overall sick of him not seeing why i feel this need to explore everything. i want someone to explore with me, not someone to always wonder why...

gah. and i feel horrible for saying that. he's a really good person, he's been wonderful to me. but shit. i need to be me. i've just never doubted something i've wanted to do like this and he's fueling the fire so it has me all confused.

anyways, class at 8 am. gah 5 hours of sleep for the next two days will have to do.

i love my friend plee. in paris i got him a hideous figurine of two pigs in what appears to be a variation of a 69 and there's a sign on it that says j'taime {i love you} ...and we both are swine-haters so perhaps that's what i thought was so hilarious about it. but maybe not. it just is.