saturn1

seeing my family is exhausting. well , it's more of being with my parents 24-7 that is exhausting, but that's something else unto itself... i think i'm going to buy my dad anger management courses for christmas. or a fucking case of xanex!

i've decided i'm not forcing myself to be into the holidays this year. next year i'll deal with it and move on, but it just feels too lonely without my grandma around. i kept thinking of the last time she was able to really talk & how she had me take her outside when everyone left to run errands and shit... she had me make food for her and she actually ate it. she had been so sick for months but she was so happy to sit outside and smoke with me and tell me stories about the past. i just wish i could hear her calling people fun names again, like dumb shit and whatever else she always said. i'm pretty resolved with her passing, but this first year without her presence at this time is just BLAH. so yea, i'll deal next year.

i need to move. i am moving in the spring. fuck waiting around and trying to establish myself somewhere. i am surrounded by washed up gangsters that should've never made it this far, pretentious detroit wanna be art fucks and neo-soul motherfuckers. can i meet someone new that isn't one of the above? half of it is who i used to socialize with / grew up with, but you know what? i think i've just gotten really tired of this area. maybe once i leave i'll fall in love with it all over again. that tends to happen.

sooo... the rest of the weekend is shooting for photography, writing papers and other misc school junk. i think i was staring with envy at my aunt tonight when she sat down and started playing solitaire ... i would fucking love to do what i wanted once the 9-5 ended ... i guess that's what i'm working towards. at least, in theory.

anyways , how's my pretty babies?

p.s. you don't cut bread with a knife! that's fucking nuts, you tear it!
oh, how people disappoint. TEAR YOUR FUCKING BREAD!