fuck. i think i just quit my job.
there's no fucking reason i should get stuck there until whatever time in the morning when i get off at midnight and then when i call in the next day because i've had no sleep in 36 hours, my coworker, not even my boss who i can't find tells me i have to come in because they can't find someone to cover me & if i don't it's my fault that they can't get their kids.
fuck that. i've been stuck in that place for 30 hours at a time. i'm not going to feel bad about some fucking kids being stuck at school because if i do then i'll be screwed & who cares about ME in that case?
the messed up thing is that i have no money saved. i have nothing; my parents are supporting me but it takes half of my paycheck to for my homeowrk alone since i'm always taking shit to the printer or buying photo paper. plus i commute and i pay so much in gas and parking ...it's insane. which means i need to start looking for a job today.
which sucks because i have a lot of work for school due this week and it's all pretty time consuming,
& everyone that i've spoken to today outside of work, mostly my parents and a couple friends are all fucking yelling when they talk to me not because they're mad at me but because they know work is screwing me and that i'm pretty much fucked, unless i quit school right now. and i'm not going to quit school.
i just wish i could hear a calm voice & some reassurance & sleep. can't sleep at least because they're rippings walls and shit out of my house & everyone is either expecting something from me or yelling at me. add to the fact that i'm already exhausted because i haven't been sleeping for the past week or two and i'm almost desperate. it's one of those times that i wish i could curl up and die. i regret everytime i make that statement, but there's no other way to describe how i feel. the stress is a little too much, today at least.
ugh. this has been a fucked up year. not the worst, but nothing should ever touch the worst. still, my friend gets killed in march, the relationship i've been in for 3 years end, which needed to happen, but a lot of fucked up shit surrounded that and it's hard to learn how to live without someone that you're so used to. the whole grandmother & family drama mess, a billion serious health scares all year with my mom and dad, my other grandmother is dying. that's not half of it. it's just too large for me to handle today. i'll have to find a place to sleep somehow or i'm going to go apeshit.
there's no fucking reason i should get stuck there until whatever time in the morning when i get off at midnight and then when i call in the next day because i've had no sleep in 36 hours, my coworker, not even my boss who i can't find tells me i have to come in because they can't find someone to cover me & if i don't it's my fault that they can't get their kids.
fuck that. i've been stuck in that place for 30 hours at a time. i'm not going to feel bad about some fucking kids being stuck at school because if i do then i'll be screwed & who cares about ME in that case?
the messed up thing is that i have no money saved. i have nothing; my parents are supporting me but it takes half of my paycheck to for my homeowrk alone since i'm always taking shit to the printer or buying photo paper. plus i commute and i pay so much in gas and parking ...it's insane. which means i need to start looking for a job today.
which sucks because i have a lot of work for school due this week and it's all pretty time consuming,
& everyone that i've spoken to today outside of work, mostly my parents and a couple friends are all fucking yelling when they talk to me not because they're mad at me but because they know work is screwing me and that i'm pretty much fucked, unless i quit school right now. and i'm not going to quit school.
i just wish i could hear a calm voice & some reassurance & sleep. can't sleep at least because they're rippings walls and shit out of my house & everyone is either expecting something from me or yelling at me. add to the fact that i'm already exhausted because i haven't been sleeping for the past week or two and i'm almost desperate. it's one of those times that i wish i could curl up and die. i regret everytime i make that statement, but there's no other way to describe how i feel. the stress is a little too much, today at least.
ugh. this has been a fucked up year. not the worst, but nothing should ever touch the worst. still, my friend gets killed in march, the relationship i've been in for 3 years end, which needed to happen, but a lot of fucked up shit surrounded that and it's hard to learn how to live without someone that you're so used to. the whole grandmother & family drama mess, a billion serious health scares all year with my mom and dad, my other grandmother is dying. that's not half of it. it's just too large for me to handle today. i'll have to find a place to sleep somehow or i'm going to go apeshit.
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sounds like you'll be ok, toots. I hope so. sheesh. Sorry all of this is going on. Let me know if I can ever do anything. I am good for distraction at least
i know what it is like to just want to give up on life, and curl up in a fetal position and hope and hope that if things go right... you'll die.
i wish i could give you some constructive advice, but i normally handle the feeling by sleeping. lately, i try and do yoga.
sometimes job just isn't worth the crap. i quit my job over the summer, and felt like a horrible person for about a week afterwards. in the end, you will find something better and you'll realize that there's no reason to put up with unnecessary shit like that.