saturn1

i always thought it was funny that 'womb' rhymes with tomb. as if we were a bunch of little scattered graves dotting the street w/ death. as if life were death.

my cat got found. after i got totally fed up and left in the early evening. my mom found her. she looked for about 5 hours and almost gave up {after i'd looked for 8 hours} but she decided to squeak when everything was quiet & the dogs and kids were inside & sleeping. poor thing must've sat under neighbors house all day frozen & scared. i hate for animals to feel pain simply because, how do they know about life and death? exempting the more evolved 'animals', but do they? so what is pain & fear then?

you always think you're doing good until you meet someone that won't let you get away with some sort of fucked-uped-ness that everyone previous has enabled for you, and willingly so. and you either let them go and stay fucked up or you just can't and struggle a lot. is it worth it? probably. it's exhausting, though, and you wonder what that person could possibly see in you, in this weary, vulnerable state. but then you think about all the others that you've viewed from that side and sort of know.

overall i'm a pretty content person. i just question shit too much. why do i question shit? why can't i be happy w/ knowing that i'll die one day & that's it? why am i questioning why i question so much.