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satire_

Out in the woods, North Carolina

Member Since 2009

Followers 299 Following 207

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Tuesday Apr 07, 2009

Apr 7, 2009
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Asshole Neighbors - Dumbass Roommate

Dogs Bark. Any one year old child knows this, just ask them... however, it seems to be a point of confusion for our idiot upstairs neigbors, who assume that when they beat on the walls, floor, or front door, it will somehow make the dogs STOP barking at two a.m.

My roommate stumbles in between two and nine a.m. every day, a drunkety mess. Normally, this causes me nothing more than a little jealousy, since I wish I had a noctournal schedule in the bar industry.
Except when he brings friends home, my protective little dogs bark when they hear an unknown voice. Once the door is open, and they are able to sniff and see, they go back to their beds and settle down. All in all, the process takes about 5 minutes, and the humans go pass out.
However, the SUPER SENSITIVE MR. AND MRS. MUSSOLINI who live upstairs cannot bear to hear the distant sounds of our tiny dogs protecting our home, and have decided the best course of action is to stomp down the stairs and knock on our door. What kind of FUCKTARD thinks that angrily knocking will make dogs be quiet?

So what did the Mussolini family do? They called the FUCKING EPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The EPA sent a letter threatening the removal of my dogs if the situation does not resolve itself.

Three thoughts:
1. Anyone that sensitive to noise should live in Nebraska, not NYC
2. What kind of passive agressive heartless DICKS would have someone's dog taken away for natural behavior?
3. If someone tries to take my dogs, I will most certainly be arrested.

So, I just spent an obscene amount of money on special toys and chewies and peanut butter snax to occupy the dogs in the effort to save our delicate neighbors from these five minute windows of absolute TERROR... (note sarcasm)

Did I mention they have birds? Annoying chirpy loud smelly ugly birds? I hope they die of bird flu. (Not the birds, they can't help it.... the humans)

Gee, I think I will retaliate with SUPER LOUD porno-ready sex noises at all hours of the night.......

Kisses,
Satire

tunala:
wow that sucks, people can be way to precious sometimes that its ridiculous.
i hope they dont take ur doggy away.
you argue like hell for him!
Apr 7, 2009

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