satinlatin

Why is love so complicated sometimes? And why is it that you seem to get hurt by as well as hurt those that you love most or are closest to? The only explanation that I can come up with is that it is because pain, anger, and hurt are deep emotions and the reason is that you are so emotionally tied to that person. So when something goes wrong or one of you lose it emotionally, the wounds go much deeper than that of a casual friendship or relationship. And sometimes, once those wounds are opened, it is like an infection that spreads. And when a relationship ends suddenly or without much reason, one tends to search for the reason why. Usually the person who didn't make the choice to leave. Letting go is so hard when the door is not completely closed, and so you drive yourself crazy wondering why? And so you go on a quest. You look and look for answers and find out things that you don't necessarily want to know. Or you find meaning where there is none. You look at the negative and piece together events and words and actions until they make some type of sordid sense. Or at least, you manufacture them. And you see things where there may or may not be anything at all. You reach a point of madness sometimes. All to explain why. There must be a clear reason why, right? And when the other person can't offer you one, you are left to your own devices, with nothing to dwell on but the negative...

I fell victim to that. The thoughts became pervasive and self perpetuating in my mind. And I became negative. I never wanted to. I pride myself in letting go of the negativity and only remembering the good. But I guess I am just a man. A slave to my ego at times. Oh, I learn. I grow. I overcome. I become more complete. But human nature plays the cruel trick of making us think we are whole, only to self destruct and bring it all crumbling down. Maybe this is our way of humbling ourselves and un-masking the fact that we are never whole or complete, that no matter how much we transcend, we must suffer destruction so that we can rebuild and hopefully become stronger. And hopefully we learn.

Hopefully.

I have to go lick my wounds now.