so we know we love each other, we even discussed it and fought about it a year ago almost to the day, but we keep shoving it aside and shoving it aside, then sunday night we had the big blow out, yelling screaming, and then me crying and then we discussed everything. its all laid out there now, and im pretty sure we've decided that...
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dave82:
Thanks for randomly finding me on the Internet. Maybe I need to read back a few entries about this girl but why are you two fighting over this? In saying that I know it is way more complicated than be explained in a sort paragraph. Good luck and I hope it turns out best for the both of you. Don't be a stranger. -dave
umm ya so i updated some stuff, still feeling pretty shitty, but i now have a solstice tree and it makes me smile a little. I just like to sit in the living room alone and stare at it with its lights lit, and enjoy its beauty, i really love the shadows that it casts on the walls. I cant wait to lay under the...
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bykenzo:
Our tree is too small for lights.
I know, I tried.
I feel cheated.
I know, I tried.
I feel cheated.
ojaeflo:
The new profile pic. So mysterious. So SEXAY!! 
i hate myself, i hate my body, and i hate being alone. I know that if i were skinny that things would not be different, but somedays its just kinda nice to think that that may be a possibility. i dont know, am i really asking too much, and dont tell me that im too young to give up, or that its okay that it...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
alex200128604:
Now Now, I know things dont always go the way you want, but thats true for everyone. Look at it this way, you are a beautiful girl, and I agree with the comment above this one. Dont let stuff keep you down, you have to know that eventually something will happen that will be everything you wanted and more. You cant know when or how, but just that it will. 
bykenzo:
I'm with StGeorge; you're gorgeous 
what do you say to your best friend who is a cutter? especially when you know she's started cutting again? Since i've known her i've known she's been a cutter her and i have discussed it, and usually if she lapses and ends up doing it again she will breakdown and tell me, but this time she hasnt, its only through my nosing around in...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
erastella:
You'd be surprised what a conversation or two with a friend will do, tough or not.
I'm a cutter. Sort of, at least. I haven't done it in a long while, but it's there, and I still know it. I'll probably even use it again. Doesn't mean I'm not growing as a person, or that I'm trying to lash out, or whatever else tends to come with that. Just means I'm a person, with a device. And so is your friend. You just have to figure out what her device is meant to repair. Why is she cutting, what does she want from it, what does she not want from it? By figuring out her actual position on the matter, you can figure out her needs and what she's really looking for. That's the only part you can really play here. She's not going to stop just because other people don't like it. Once you start, you sort of break through this self-barrier that you are later stuck behind, and from there, everyone else can quite easily appear irrelevant.
And maybe it just is for her, right now, but it's not just for her. If she's posting about it in online journals, then obviously it means something to her, it's a symbol of something...maybe her uniqueness, maybe her pain, maybe being worthy of attention, et cetera. Or even a combination. If a cutter opens their mouth about what they're doing, it's because they want people to know a) that they're capable of it, and potentially more, and b) that they want someone to tell them they don't have to do it anymore. That's the only thing you can say. Figure out her reasons, and look at this from a few different perspectives. Only way you can say anything at all is if you've seen this from more than just one angle. Same goes to the cutter, but they usually skip that step.
I'm a cutter. Sort of, at least. I haven't done it in a long while, but it's there, and I still know it. I'll probably even use it again. Doesn't mean I'm not growing as a person, or that I'm trying to lash out, or whatever else tends to come with that. Just means I'm a person, with a device. And so is your friend. You just have to figure out what her device is meant to repair. Why is she cutting, what does she want from it, what does she not want from it? By figuring out her actual position on the matter, you can figure out her needs and what she's really looking for. That's the only part you can really play here. She's not going to stop just because other people don't like it. Once you start, you sort of break through this self-barrier that you are later stuck behind, and from there, everyone else can quite easily appear irrelevant.
And maybe it just is for her, right now, but it's not just for her. If she's posting about it in online journals, then obviously it means something to her, it's a symbol of something...maybe her uniqueness, maybe her pain, maybe being worthy of attention, et cetera. Or even a combination. If a cutter opens their mouth about what they're doing, it's because they want people to know a) that they're capable of it, and potentially more, and b) that they want someone to tell them they don't have to do it anymore. That's the only thing you can say. Figure out her reasons, and look at this from a few different perspectives. Only way you can say anything at all is if you've seen this from more than just one angle. Same goes to the cutter, but they usually skip that step.
so today really sucked. I get up, its pouring rain outside, i get to class soaking wet, suffer through the first one, go the next, take a test that im not even sure i know anything about, come out of it, weather still shitty, and fall on the last step, and fuck up my ankel like none other. I've twisted it before and it will...
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javacat:
you hope for a better day? could it be worse?!
that sounds terrible. i am so sorry and i do hope for sunnier skies -- literally and figuratively -- immediately!
that sounds terrible. i am so sorry and i do hope for sunnier skies -- literally and figuratively -- immediately!
OMG BAUHAUS WAS BEYOND INCREDIBLE!!! It was like a two hour long orgasm, seriously i do not think i can put it into words and have it really explain the greatness of this concert. I would willingly pay again and again to see them live! The trip was great, the concert was incredible, and thats all i have to say. Happy turkey day everybody! 
oxy:
God i would have loved to have seen that.
Happy thanksgiving.
Happy thanksgiving.
bykenzo:
That digital one took eons to do :p
since i got a request i figure i should update. I rolled on E friday night and had a blast, i was hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend. totally expecting to be ditched two hours into it for them to go fuck, but instead we all just hung out, and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. It sux that it takes drugs to make me...
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ojaeflo:
Sounds like a great time.
Hope you have a great week!
Hope you have a great week!
javacat:
thanks for the update sweetie. happy t-giving!
umm so im here, feeling okay i think. kinda bored, but im here. I wish i had something to be excited about. im sure something will happen soon.
javacat:
Hey, anything exciting since your last post? You are missed!
so much for the nothing, i got two tickets this week, one for speeding and the other for failure to stop at a stop sign. Mother fucker it was three in the morning, and i paused, there wasnt anybody else around. except for the cop, and i dont know where the fuck she came from. SO now i have 200 dollars worth of traffic tickets....
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javacat:
sorry to hear your news. though i think i did tell you that sometimes quiet and uneventful is good. today will be better, ok? take care of yourself. (and slow down!)
stgeorge:
Ouch! What a bad day that was 
Hope today brought a better day
Hope today brought a better day
things are okay, i think, nothing much going on. hope all is well with everybody
ojaeflo:
I'm always great when I hear from YOU!
javacat:
sometimes nothing is good. be well.