decisions decisions.....
So I've known this man for 5 years. 4 1/2 years ago we had one night together, since then we have become close friends, with that same tension there. There has always been talk of what we could do, but never acted on it, as I was in a serious relationship, and he was married. I split from my half at the end of December, and his wife asked for a divorce in February. In march he told me that he wanted to take me to dinner, where I laughed it off, saying that I wasn't comfortable with the idea, and that I didn't think that it was a good idea. Well a month later he asks me out on a date again, and again I decline. We still continued to chat on and off, and around the beginning of may I had a weak moment, and invited him over for the standard booty call. well since then we have been seeing each other several times a week, I've even stayed the night with him. We haven't gone out on an official date, because of my paranoia (will explain shortly), but have spent time together just talking, and having fantastic sex.
At this point it has been three weeks, and he's starting to talk to me about him telling his ex-wife, that he's going to start "seeing" me. he even mentioned two days ago about how he thinks it will go when I meet certain members of his family.... nothing serious just making it known that he wants people to know about me.
Here is the hesitation. While he is a fantastic, sweet, thoughtful man, he has a rather shiesty past. he had become a serial cheater on his wife which I always used as a point of judgement with him, until I got to know his wife. and now I can understand where issues came from. He is well known for his history with his wife, and most people think he is a great guy, but total scum for the cheating. His wife is well known at my work, and she is friends with some of my closest friends. I was hesitant to even begin to spend time with him, not because I didn't like him, but because I knew that a) I could be putting myself in a bad spot b) fear of the grief that I would catch from all of my closest friends. Well, I've gotten over a, but have kept him a total secret. None of my friends know that I've been spending time with him, or that things are moving in the direction that they are. Now that he's talking about telling his ex-wife, I know I'm going to have to tell my friends, before they find out from her, and not me.
It's absolutely horrible. I have always been the type of person who has had no problem standing up for what I want, and standing by all of my decisions loud and proud. and I really want to be able to share this new found happiness that I have found with him, but am absolutely dreading telling any of my friends. because I don't think that they will understand it. On top of that I'm starting to question my own motives for making the move to spend time with him. Part of me feels like there is something there, that there has always been something there, and it's become all too easy to be comfortable with him, and let my guard down. on the other hand I worry that it's just because I'm lonely, or that I'm having a weak moment that's causing this to occur. In which case, why would I tell my friends what I have been up to, when it may turn out to be a total fluke anyways.
The good news in all of this is that him and I cannot see each other for the next week because he will be out of town and then I will be out of town. which is giving me plenty of time to think about all this. possibly too much time. I've never wanted to continue to keep something a secret and yet share it with the world so much at the same time.
I'm not really looking for advice, but more needing to unload this pile of shit. It's been weighing so heavily on my mind. part of me really wishes that I would just hurry up and get bored with him, so I can push him away and move on, while part of me wishes that I could be curled up with him in bed right now, sharing stories with each other until we pass out.....he really makes me happy...
ugh...
So I've known this man for 5 years. 4 1/2 years ago we had one night together, since then we have become close friends, with that same tension there. There has always been talk of what we could do, but never acted on it, as I was in a serious relationship, and he was married. I split from my half at the end of December, and his wife asked for a divorce in February. In march he told me that he wanted to take me to dinner, where I laughed it off, saying that I wasn't comfortable with the idea, and that I didn't think that it was a good idea. Well a month later he asks me out on a date again, and again I decline. We still continued to chat on and off, and around the beginning of may I had a weak moment, and invited him over for the standard booty call. well since then we have been seeing each other several times a week, I've even stayed the night with him. We haven't gone out on an official date, because of my paranoia (will explain shortly), but have spent time together just talking, and having fantastic sex.
At this point it has been three weeks, and he's starting to talk to me about him telling his ex-wife, that he's going to start "seeing" me. he even mentioned two days ago about how he thinks it will go when I meet certain members of his family.... nothing serious just making it known that he wants people to know about me.
Here is the hesitation. While he is a fantastic, sweet, thoughtful man, he has a rather shiesty past. he had become a serial cheater on his wife which I always used as a point of judgement with him, until I got to know his wife. and now I can understand where issues came from. He is well known for his history with his wife, and most people think he is a great guy, but total scum for the cheating. His wife is well known at my work, and she is friends with some of my closest friends. I was hesitant to even begin to spend time with him, not because I didn't like him, but because I knew that a) I could be putting myself in a bad spot b) fear of the grief that I would catch from all of my closest friends. Well, I've gotten over a, but have kept him a total secret. None of my friends know that I've been spending time with him, or that things are moving in the direction that they are. Now that he's talking about telling his ex-wife, I know I'm going to have to tell my friends, before they find out from her, and not me.
It's absolutely horrible. I have always been the type of person who has had no problem standing up for what I want, and standing by all of my decisions loud and proud. and I really want to be able to share this new found happiness that I have found with him, but am absolutely dreading telling any of my friends. because I don't think that they will understand it. On top of that I'm starting to question my own motives for making the move to spend time with him. Part of me feels like there is something there, that there has always been something there, and it's become all too easy to be comfortable with him, and let my guard down. on the other hand I worry that it's just because I'm lonely, or that I'm having a weak moment that's causing this to occur. In which case, why would I tell my friends what I have been up to, when it may turn out to be a total fluke anyways.
The good news in all of this is that him and I cannot see each other for the next week because he will be out of town and then I will be out of town. which is giving me plenty of time to think about all this. possibly too much time. I've never wanted to continue to keep something a secret and yet share it with the world so much at the same time.
I'm not really looking for advice, but more needing to unload this pile of shit. It's been weighing so heavily on my mind. part of me really wishes that I would just hurry up and get bored with him, so I can push him away and move on, while part of me wishes that I could be curled up with him in bed right now, sharing stories with each other until we pass out.....he really makes me happy...
ugh...