Tuesday Nov 09, 2004

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I feel loads of bitchiness coming on with me, and there's no reason for it.

I am supposed to meet with a personal trainer at my gym tomorrow so they can help me devise a workout that will focus on my personal goals. I'm scared. I keep picturing an insanely muscular and tan guy who yells a lot and makes me do hard things. eeek
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bridgetwnpeddler:
funny in a like... omg I hope I never go through that again! smile

all this trouble and when it started I just wanted to get laid!! tongue

oh well.. 6 months later...
bridgetwnpeddler:
Yeah but I have been breaking free and trying to be open to dating and hanging with other girls... Nothing is totally sparking my interest ... yet... but it will.

The more emotional distance I put between H and I the better.

Tuesday Nov 02, 2004

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Vote, damnit. Vote for Kerry, and I'll be your friend.
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bridgetwnpeddler:
sooo did vote.. and so dissapointed with the outcome. frown
thumbs101:
I voted for kerry....but it wasnt enough....voted no on 36 as well, but nope, didnt do well on that measure either

Saturday Oct 23, 2004

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I am a mess lately. Nothing is going right, and I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of bursting into tears. Today my dad said some things that really got to me, and I did just that...I had to get away and go drive, and I'm sure all the fellow Portlanders I passed thought I was nuts, sobbing by myself in my car. Growing...
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thumbs101:
nope, you cant try to please them all the time, because all that really matters is how you feel, and if you end up sacrificing your feelings for them, then you'll end up hurting more in the end
molonel:
It sounds like you need to get out. I don't know where you are in your life, or if that's possible, but there comes a point where you just need to leave. I get along with my parents very well. Extremely well, in fact. But even then, there came a point where I just needed to get out of the house and put distance between us.

Any chance of that any time soon?

Thursday Oct 14, 2004

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Everything has been more or less the same lately. I had a good cry the other day, which made me feel a little better. I have been feeling really emotional lately for some reason. Oh, and.....

READING HARRY POTTER!

Yes, I am halfway through the second book and it totally has me engrossed.

I think I have to do something tonight that will not be...
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thumbs101:
yes good luck
wolf_at_the_door:
I hope your uneasy task does not involve kidnapping that kid from the Harry Potter Movies, cause you can find better stuff to do than that.
LG

Saturday Oct 09, 2004

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Pardon me for being so blunt here, but....

I AM SO FUCKING HORNY ALL THE TIME!!!!!

These days, it has been really bad. Like 24/7 bad. Far too many hot guys have been coming into work, and I want to jump them all. I know that I would like to be in a relationship with somebody right now, but it's gotten so bad that I'm...
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thumbs101:
lol, yeah, I am gay. I like girls..what can I say...


[Edited on Oct 11, 2004 5:10PM]
sanzio:
......MMmmm.........reAAlly... wink

Monday Oct 04, 2004

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Ohhhh, not much new going on. Cleaned my car inside and out the other day, and am going to try and sell it now unless my mom wants to buy it. Started searching the newspapers and online for newer cars, but I still don't know what I want.

The other night I went to one of my co-worker's 'gigs' with another one of my co-workers....
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recoveringmale:
What? What!? It never stops being fun!! Oh wai, I lied, sometimes it gets kind of old.

"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love" ~Woody Allen
stitches_u_up:
Oh no, that last bit...you are feeling blagh arent you. hm..battingcages are fun! havent been to on ein like oh about 10 years or so. not sure i could even hit a ball.

Know what you mean bout needing a good friend. my best friend changed jobs and moved, still semi-local, but rarely see him.

Hope things are better!

Tuesday Sep 28, 2004

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I just went through weeks of no internet, thanks to the idiots at Qwest...ugh. I have completely moved back home, and it's not as huge of a difference than I thought it would be. I'm enjoying it so far, I feel less stressed out being here. I'm going to start having Fridays and Saturdays off, which makes my work life slightly better, although some days...
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wolf_at_the_door:
I'll bet it was big dumb guys like me that did it too smile
wolf_at_the_door:
No not exactly, I would rather just live back in WA. It was so much fun going up to the mountains.

Saturday Sep 11, 2004

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I think each time people disappoint you or let you down throughout life, you lose a little bit of hope and faith in the goodness of humans in general. After this happens repeatedly, I think you reach a general state of unhappiness where you have a hard time believing that anyone is truly looking out for you, or means well. I feel like I'm pretty...
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nolan_void:
Sounds to me like everything that is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening. You have a better grasp of it than I did when I was 19, which really isn't that long ago, even though it seems like a whole other life. Congrats.
wolf_at_the_door:
Trust me, every one has their own little tidbit about how to become an adult, but fuck um because you arn't ever going to find the answers. Most people just like to hear themselves say their lives turned out ok. There is no plateau, its not like it sucks all the time but you just can't let yourself get caught in the trap of thinking that its going to get easier soon.
Life is beautiful but adulthood just means you have to do it for yourself.
I went through some tough times at your age too, and I'm still working on how to become a decent adult. smile

You'll make it... Just be flexible
LG

Monday Sep 06, 2004

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today I quit my job and found a new one that is paying me $10/hour.

Wait, no I didn't...i must have just been dreaming. Although certain job-related events today have inspired me to look for another job, which I will start doing tomorrow when I go to the bank.

I can't wait to get done moving...Saturday the 11th will be the big moving day, I'm...
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stitches_u_up:
Hey, hows the move going?? so you moving in with the parents??

Ya know it is cool, what you said. really appreciate it. I have prettymuch come to a point where i want the emotional impact of things to accompany my understanding and experience of things.

Like i used to be able to understand it all, but just not go through the hurt or excitement. Like being able to get the lesson but not value it. I suppose that is what i feel i have missed. alot of the value of my experiences.

Oh and by the way, I so loved office space. it kicked ass.
recoveringmale:
Yeah, fuck that job!! And fuck moving too... I am about to drive the last of it out of that house and leave the girls a note tellin' em to fuck off. Oh it feels good, yep...

A few thoughts about voicing things you can't seem to get out (I daresay I've felt that way, oh, once or twice. Just maybe): First, it's pretty much impossible to completely get out what you want to say, accurately, in one fell swoop. It just doesn't happen. Either we lack the vocabulary to articulate what we think/feel, or the self-awareness to really even know what we're feeling, or a combination of a bunch of things. But really, it's not possible to get it out perfectly. You lose a little bit of truth in each stage from brain to paper. So, letting go of that is a good start. Just write it and then write a bit more and then maybe go back and write it again. Hmmm. I'd probably do well to take my own advice from time to time.

ooo aaa ooo aaa

Friday Aug 27, 2004

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Been feeling slightly better the past few days...what I really needed was a few days off, even if i didn't do much of anything. I've got a lot of stuff to do coming up, and I think two days of doing nothing was good preperation for that. I'll have to start packing my things up soon and hauling them back to my parent's house.

I...
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stitches_u_up:
Direction isnt always what we think it is. sometimes standing still and wondering where we are at or where we are going is really where we are supposed to be.

Never know where you will find that inspiration but when you do you will know it. I am often amazed that i am at where i am, and look back and realise i was always on this road, just couldnt always see it.
Hey just think of the eagles song "Take it Easy!"

I so love the eagles!
copirate:
howdy back at ya, i should just sell half the nostalgia junk that i have on ebay, i'd probably make a killing ARRR!!!
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