sassitude

I have given up on something tonight, something that I now realize has gone on for way too long. I actually gave it up in my mind a long time ago....but my heart has been unable to let go. I suppose (actually, I know) that part of my heart is still full of false hope. I don't know how to get rid of that. But I finally heard the words that caused the flashlight above my head to click on, and I realized "wow...this is never going to happen, is it?" I can't say that I wish it had never happened, because at times, it made me happier than I had ever been. It was the first time I had been in love. And here I am abandoning it for no good reaosn really, nothing went wrong. Feelings didn't change. Arguments didn't happen. I think that's the hardest part, knowing that there's no real reason for this to be so shitty.

And so begins the healing process. I am not optimistic. Will I actually do it this time, or will I return to my old hopes that are far-fetched and unreasonable? Hoping for something that will not happen may make me happy for the time being, but in the long run, I think giving this up is the best thing for me.