The following is a graphic representation of how I feel today.
And now, how I actually look today:
Literally. I'm sitting here with my head in one hand, and I'm using the other to type. If that's not multi- tasking, I don't know what is.
In all seriousness, though, I had a lovely weekend up north, visiting both sides of my family. MW and I were flown up for my dad's surprise birthday party, and I think he enjoyed having me there. Aside from the quantity of social interaction draining me, all things went better than expected.
It's always hard for me to return home, for a number of reasons. Most significantly, I'm reminded of the fact that moving to Los Angeles was my way of skirting some tough-to-address issues that I wasn't ready to face. I'm not one for confrontation, and I most certainly don't know how to handle more somber life events, so when I see my aging parents, when I hear of deaths in the family, when I see how things are changing between my once-or-maybe-twice-a-year visits...I don't know how to process it.
I have a lot of regret for choosing to live in the LA bubble, where everything moves at such a rapid pace that no one has time to truly reflect on their character or allow for human emotion. Those things, the luxuries that come with thought, are considered weaknesses here. I've accepted them as such, because thinking about it otherwise means that I'd have to be a stronger person than I truly am.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say today. I think that maybe there's a part of me that wants to be involved in the heavier aspects of life, even if i wind up with emotional trauma as a result?
Or maybe, just maybe, this is simply what I get for breathing air that's not entirely polluted with smog and other toxins for two whole days.
And now, how I actually look today:
Literally. I'm sitting here with my head in one hand, and I'm using the other to type. If that's not multi- tasking, I don't know what is.
In all seriousness, though, I had a lovely weekend up north, visiting both sides of my family. MW and I were flown up for my dad's surprise birthday party, and I think he enjoyed having me there. Aside from the quantity of social interaction draining me, all things went better than expected.
It's always hard for me to return home, for a number of reasons. Most significantly, I'm reminded of the fact that moving to Los Angeles was my way of skirting some tough-to-address issues that I wasn't ready to face. I'm not one for confrontation, and I most certainly don't know how to handle more somber life events, so when I see my aging parents, when I hear of deaths in the family, when I see how things are changing between my once-or-maybe-twice-a-year visits...I don't know how to process it.
I have a lot of regret for choosing to live in the LA bubble, where everything moves at such a rapid pace that no one has time to truly reflect on their character or allow for human emotion. Those things, the luxuries that come with thought, are considered weaknesses here. I've accepted them as such, because thinking about it otherwise means that I'd have to be a stronger person than I truly am.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say today. I think that maybe there's a part of me that wants to be involved in the heavier aspects of life, even if i wind up with emotional trauma as a result?
Or maybe, just maybe, this is simply what I get for breathing air that's not entirely polluted with smog and other toxins for two whole days.
h_man:
While I totally understand the sentiment of somehow being able to not deal with the heavier stuff, life doesn't care and will find you and force you to deal with it. So enjoy your time away... When the universe is ready to poop in your mouth, it will and I imagine you'll do just fine. Stop being so hard on yourself. Spend time with your family, because one day they won't be there 
happy Monday
happy Monday