So yeah, lets see, my oil pump on my van crapped out on me. I didn't know such a thing existed, but it does. My oil light came on a few times, but when I'd check the oil after the engine cooled, the dip stick showed things as being OK. So yeah, broken oil pump = no oil = me at least 1000 bucks in hole. Although my credit sucks donkey balls, I think I can finance the rebuilt engine. Hopefully...
Kathleen is coming up to visit this weekend. I can't put off talking to her about our lack any real affection. I don't know what to think. I've barely seen her in the past 3 weeks. I suppose things could work out well, but I have a feeling that it's not. I don't forsee some huge blow out fight; actually, I'd be shocked if that happened. All I want is to be totally honest with her and for her to do the same for me; I don't see any reason why that won't happen. In fact, I'm fairly confident that even if things don't work out between us in the boyfriend/girlfriend context, we will stil remain good friends.
For some reason, that is one thing I've managed to do throughout my life, maintain good, sometimes even great relationships with my ex's. It's not always easy, epsecially when I see them so happy and content in their lives after we become just friends. Many times it seems like my ex's do quite well after they stop seeing me, and as horrible as it sounds, it depresses (yes, shocking, something makes me depressed). It's not that I don't want them to be successful, I am glad that they are able to find happiness. The problem is that I seem to do so much worse. It's not like every ex I know ends up marrying rich to the man of their dreams two weeks after we break up, but shit, I don't know. Too much emptiness and loneliness. Some people are OK in that state; I'm a fucking wreck.
Fuck it all, I just want to be happy, but my the sum total of my actions leads me to further unhappiness. The only times I ever seem to be truly happy is when I am playing a show or watching an Orioles game. Basically I need to become a famous rock star so I can afford season tickets.
Kathleen is coming up to visit this weekend. I can't put off talking to her about our lack any real affection. I don't know what to think. I've barely seen her in the past 3 weeks. I suppose things could work out well, but I have a feeling that it's not. I don't forsee some huge blow out fight; actually, I'd be shocked if that happened. All I want is to be totally honest with her and for her to do the same for me; I don't see any reason why that won't happen. In fact, I'm fairly confident that even if things don't work out between us in the boyfriend/girlfriend context, we will stil remain good friends.
For some reason, that is one thing I've managed to do throughout my life, maintain good, sometimes even great relationships with my ex's. It's not always easy, epsecially when I see them so happy and content in their lives after we become just friends. Many times it seems like my ex's do quite well after they stop seeing me, and as horrible as it sounds, it depresses (yes, shocking, something makes me depressed). It's not that I don't want them to be successful, I am glad that they are able to find happiness. The problem is that I seem to do so much worse. It's not like every ex I know ends up marrying rich to the man of their dreams two weeks after we break up, but shit, I don't know. Too much emptiness and loneliness. Some people are OK in that state; I'm a fucking wreck.
Fuck it all, I just want to be happy, but my the sum total of my actions leads me to further unhappiness. The only times I ever seem to be truly happy is when I am playing a show or watching an Orioles game. Basically I need to become a famous rock star so I can afford season tickets.
polisciguy:
That sucks, man. Listen if you need any help, let me know. I can't do much, but I'll do what I can for ya.
gekkeiju23:
