saramonster

So I finally broke up with him. Yeah, I did the stupid thing any girl would do and I ran back to his warm embrace expecting something better than what there was the first time. It was good for a little while.. I felt loved, wanted, needed. All of that. But getting past that, I felt absolutely no respect what so ever. When you're with someone, well at least for me.. It takes me awhile to get used to that person and feel comfortable around them. Enough to respect them and have that connection. Wanting to move on and go further in our journey of a relationship. To say the least, I couldn't get that from him. We got into an arguement about why we weren't on that level yet. He wondered why, even though it wasn't soo blatanly obvious that it was him and not me. He couldn't see it the way I did no matter how hard I tried to explain it to him that the relationship would obviously not work out for the better. He was always working, spending time with his friends, drinking every single night till he left me messages rambling on about the same old thing. And it's not like I didn't care about him hanging out with his friends.. That wasn't even it. It was the drinking that bothered me, mostly. It was as if he'd rather spend time with a bottle than be sober and have an evening with me. Even that night I spoke of previously he would go to the kitchen and grab two beers about every half an hour. He can't be away from it. I can handle an on occasion drinker, because they have a life outside of it.. or they at least don't enjoy being drunk all of the time. But a full on alcoholic I would just like to take a step back from. So I did the hopefully smart thing to do, and I ended it. He called and wanted his hoodie back of all things, and told me to have a good life.
Which is another thing that bothered me about him. He had absolutely no level of self confidence. He always thought that when I wasn't answering my phone, I was angry with him about something. And when I was, he'd rather have me be angry..than talk about it and resolve the matter. It's a wonder why he hadn't been in a relationship for almost 3 years.
It's a wonder now, that I actually don't want one for awhile.. all of the stress with the one I just ended (which was only a month and a half mind you) has caused me to rather hate the thought of dealing with another one.
It seems to me that I need to change the way I look at relationships as a whole. I haven't ever really dated much to begin with.. dating would help one get to know a person better before getting involved with them other ways. I can't imagine why I can't do something like that.

Ahh, well.. all of that has been on my mind as of late. Most of it has just now flown out the window never to return to my doorstep again.