Puh. Yeah. WHAT a difference a day makes.
You don't answer your phone. You don't return my messages.
I called Joe and finally got a hold of him around 2 am. I had hoped, of course, to see him, but I already knew from the clock that it wasn't going to happen. Apparently he was going to go out with his sister but she never called back. He was watching Battle Star Galactica, with that boredom in his voice. I gently asked if he had early plans tomorrow. I said, "I already know you hadn't planned on anything tonight, but, would it be okay if I came over?...I'd like to talk to you". He said, "Anything in particular?" and I said "Nothing specific really [only a half-truth], it's just... we do the same thing most of time, watch movies until late and go to bed. We don't really actually talk." And his response was, "Wellll... no, I don't really feel like it. I mean, if you don't have plans tomorrow it's fine, but I kind of just want to go to bed soon and wake up at a decent hour." Ah... okay. Voices got grim after that. "See you at work." I realize the dreadful "we need to talk" line is something guys loathe. But I really couldn't come up with any way around it. I've thought about this for a week or so. There's no other way to put it, and I can't bear going over there one more time, hoping conversation will just spark up.
This is plain shitty.
This situation is just bad. He warned me from the start that he has trouble keeping interest with girls. With the exception of one, he hasn't dated for longer than 3 months. We're riding on 3-4 weeks. Since he had told me about his Marine decision, things changed. He doesn't call me, I call him. He doesn't seem so eager to have me over. Worst of all, I have no idea what is going on in his head. And when I'm with someone, I can't handle that. I don't know if it's slightly neurotic, the level I depend on knowing the other person's feelings. But when I have no idea to base on, I go crazy with my own thoughts.
I swear. If he hadn't made that rash decision, I'd be able to continue very slowly with things, but I can't help but feel time is running out. It's not that there's any level I want to rush into- I just want to understand where he's coming from. Closure before he leaves.
I just have a horrible feeling. I know something's wrong, I know there are things going through his head.
Those wonderful things you said. Even if you were drunk for some of them. Do you remember what you said?
And some people would see that as charming yourself into my pants. I don't believe that's the case. I believe you did feel that way, for a bit, even if it was just a couple of days. After all, you made a point to hold off on sex until you felt ready.
Tomorrow is going to be the longest day ever.
Ouch. This is starting to hurt.
I'm glad I didn't say 'I love you'.
You don't answer your phone. You don't return my messages.
I called Joe and finally got a hold of him around 2 am. I had hoped, of course, to see him, but I already knew from the clock that it wasn't going to happen. Apparently he was going to go out with his sister but she never called back. He was watching Battle Star Galactica, with that boredom in his voice. I gently asked if he had early plans tomorrow. I said, "I already know you hadn't planned on anything tonight, but, would it be okay if I came over?...I'd like to talk to you". He said, "Anything in particular?" and I said "Nothing specific really [only a half-truth], it's just... we do the same thing most of time, watch movies until late and go to bed. We don't really actually talk." And his response was, "Wellll... no, I don't really feel like it. I mean, if you don't have plans tomorrow it's fine, but I kind of just want to go to bed soon and wake up at a decent hour." Ah... okay. Voices got grim after that. "See you at work." I realize the dreadful "we need to talk" line is something guys loathe. But I really couldn't come up with any way around it. I've thought about this for a week or so. There's no other way to put it, and I can't bear going over there one more time, hoping conversation will just spark up.
This is plain shitty.
This situation is just bad. He warned me from the start that he has trouble keeping interest with girls. With the exception of one, he hasn't dated for longer than 3 months. We're riding on 3-4 weeks. Since he had told me about his Marine decision, things changed. He doesn't call me, I call him. He doesn't seem so eager to have me over. Worst of all, I have no idea what is going on in his head. And when I'm with someone, I can't handle that. I don't know if it's slightly neurotic, the level I depend on knowing the other person's feelings. But when I have no idea to base on, I go crazy with my own thoughts.
I swear. If he hadn't made that rash decision, I'd be able to continue very slowly with things, but I can't help but feel time is running out. It's not that there's any level I want to rush into- I just want to understand where he's coming from. Closure before he leaves.
I just have a horrible feeling. I know something's wrong, I know there are things going through his head.
Those wonderful things you said. Even if you were drunk for some of them. Do you remember what you said?
And some people would see that as charming yourself into my pants. I don't believe that's the case. I believe you did feel that way, for a bit, even if it was just a couple of days. After all, you made a point to hold off on sex until you felt ready.
Tomorrow is going to be the longest day ever.
Ouch. This is starting to hurt.
I'm glad I didn't say 'I love you'.
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Don't struggle so much. Time will tell, but only if you be still and listen.