I’m Sapphire, this is my story and journey to become a hopeful suicide girl. With my new set going into member review I thought it would be a perfect time to share my journey, talk about my story and tell you all about why I applied to suicide girl.
I originally joined suicide girls and was accepted to be a hopeful in 2019. I never submitted a set and deactivated my account that year. I wasn’t in the place where I felt I had the right look for suicide girls, I didn’t have the time to commit to the site that I felt was worthy of the hopeful status. I was battling too much including being freshly out of a DV relationship, I needed to work on myself, my family and healing the hole my sons' father had left in our lives.
Suicide Girls has been a major part of my life since my teenage years. I never quite fit the mould. Standing at 4ft 11 for starters not the “normal” height for a model. A bit of a loner in my teenage years the images of suicide girls on my space, and various other social media platforms at the time gave me something that made me feel less alone, less abnormal and less strange compared to the other girls my age. So at the time, I felt I wasn’t ready and decided to spend till 2021 working on my career as a model. Despite a set back in 2020 being diagnosed with fibromyalgia and MS, the final push I actually truly needed to accept life was too short and precious to play by anyone else's rulebook. When I reapplied to be a hopeful I was ready to give it my all.
January 2021 came around and I reapplied. I immediately began planning my set and with the help of my fiancé and personal cheerleader, in June 2021 I finally shot a bridge too far with @heatsproductions by my side.
A bridge too far was a labour of love. We spent 2 months scouting the location and were determined to use an outdoor location. When we found the bridge at Ayot Greenway that was from a retired railway line from World War Two and part of an old viaduct, I fell in love. 2 weeks later we shot there walking for two hours, with 3 bags, me in heels and with some very strange looks too this bridge.
It had rained the night before but that wasn’t stopping me or him. 2 hours later with a million laughs, a lot of mud and probably flashing a few cyclists and dog walkers (and also probably even more strange looks at a girl in the forest in a dressing gown on a Sunday) not being able to get my dressing gown completely on, on time.
We got home and after a bath, I immediately began editing my set and submitted it. 2 days later at 4 am my set got accepted into the queue for members review. I promptly woke Liam up to announce this fact and to this day I am not 100% sure if he was happy or just wanted to go back to bed. My set dropped on the 30th of November in the states and 1st December here in the sunny UK (this is definitely a joke it was -1 and raining)
From thereafter a break for Christmas, I began planning come come kitty kitty after running a poll for my next set over on Twitter. Come come kitty kitty was intended to be much more playful and less dirty in some ways of a set than a bridge too far.
Joining suicide girls for me was never ever about the clout, or the exposure it was wanting to join a sense of community I was proud to be a part of.
Sure being able to put suicide girls to my name has helped in a manner of ways, in terms of my career, general social media attention and a plethora of other things and I will never ever deny that fact. I have tried my best and will continue to try my best to use that exposure to good, by continuing to fundraise for charities that are close to my heart, helping support smaller content creators and continuing to help do good in the community. All in the hopes that I continue to positively represent suicide girls.
Suicide girls represent who I have become as a person from a scared teenager who was afraid she’d never fit into the independent, self-confident tattooed, slightly mad at times women I have become. And hopefully with any luck, a woman my mother would have been proud of.
This is me, unfiltered, real and continuing to hold hope that maybe just one day, I will turn pink.
