santababy

woke up at 3 this morning, fists clenched and in a mild sweat. i had a dream that jessi took me to this party and josh was there. i was talking to him for a little while, then he got up and left. i guess he had been gone for about 20 mins so i went looking for him. i walked into this random apartment room and found him fucking some chick and there were like 4 guys watching them go at it. i must of had my hands in a really tight fist because when i woke up it hurt to open my hands. i couldnt go back to sleep for awhile. i tried thinking of someone else, mainly jason and how happy i am when we talk. but it didnt work.

i just can seem to understand why i am still dreaming about him. these arent regular dreams, they are so vivid and lifelike. i guess the thing that pisses me off the most is we are fine in the beginning. talking, laughing, just like old times, then wham it's like some fucked up shit hits the fan and he does some crazy shit to mess it all up. i guess that is my subconscience telling me that no matter how i imagine things, they will fuck themselves up naturally. hence, we were never meant to be together. wow, that felt good. i think i will repeat that in my head the next time that bastard disturbes my sleep. hehe, well i am off to eat, than jessi and i are walking the lake. caio!!!
kris10