sansseraph

numb me
shut me off shut me down
take my things
take my time
just make it quiet

the future hold nothing i can find to want and the pleasures of the present seem emptier every day.

don't give me the false promises of religion or some bullshit cause to fight for.
free the trees save the children spread the word

fuck off...

get married propagate make a statement buy a house keep the faith don't lose your hope.

hope is hard to have when you can't imagine anything to hope for

if money is your goal then you have a path
if sex is your thing then you'll fin it in abundance
if you want a house and a picket fence and a little brood, there's hundreds of thousands ready to step into you image of the perfect life
if you care enough about anything to fight for it there's plenty to argue about

what if you don't care about money?
what if you've realized that sex isn't all that important?
what if a house and kids in the subburbs is your idea of hell?
what if all the fights you could take up turn to ashes in you mouth?

fuck it...

i survive on coffee cigarettes, beer and books, i sit around people i've know for years and wonder why i'm there, look at the world around me take in every aspect of my life and feel at most a sort of vaguely annoyed restlessness. for a long time going through the motions hopeing and keeping the faith that things would grow better

i have enough that i can't just up and leave but lack the means to do anything meaningful.

the most signifigant thing i've thought in the past weeks was this after noon, i've decided to throw away and donate 90% of all i own. i'll keep the cloths i need a few book my tech toys and my car.
furniture books toys momentos old letters pictures highschool year books my baby blanket go


i told some one this and they congradulated me and asked where i thought i'd go shopping for new stuff.
i don't think i want new stuff. i might build myself a new bed a small shelf for some cloths