sansseraph

in the midst of a turbulent and troublesome day i find myself ( much against my will) ambling slowly around a lake in the middle of a small city. this lake is isolated and strangely enough, devoid of other people. i have never before looked up at the sky and realized how unimaginably big it really is. i had always just lived and loved nature constantly awestruck like Wen the Eternally Surprised (terry pratchet character)

there i found myself walking along like waking up. this slow amble, the cuircuit of the lake and this huge bowl of sky. the realization that i hadn't simply opened myself to the world in so long that my old awstruck love of life had come as shock and startlment instead of the brisk clear wind of natural revel.

from the panoramic peak of epiphany i surveyed the rest of my life and saw that i had succumbed to a rattled stumbling course of work and sleep, eating for fuel, coffee for motivation, effort to avoid pain instead of evolution to move beyond.

at some point i startled up a great blue heron and watched it silently wing across the lake fleeing from me. it made me think... quietly.

i went back to my car shock awe fading revelation hovering around me. i'd had my moment and went back to life but i carried some of it with me.

yesterday i took my camera and went hiking alone for the first time in a couple years. i used to go every day.