sansseraph

drove to NC to celebrate my step grandfather's 80th.

Should have maybe thought that watching my half brother, his dad (my step dad), and grandfather frolic about might hurt a lil.

Add to that that i was with 4 couples and my sister who texted her boyfriend half the time OH and my ex wanted to let me know she's happily preggers and i had a simply SPLENDID weekend.

It was good to see them all happy and i'm genuinely happy for my ex, but wel...l am i aloud to miserable on my behalf?

Had a complete melt down at work the other day. Was trying to proof read a pricelist and kept having to wipe away the tears to read it. Just sat there bawling and working, pausing now and again when i could breath.
Dad's birthday. I don't cry often. In the for years i've been there you could call it maybe twice? both of them involved someone i cared about dieing. One person stopped to ask what was wrong. They needed a favor.

Little disconnected. More and more often i talk and no one even looks in my direction.

I would guess at a mmmm 10 percent chance that anyone but me will read this anyway.

oh well.

I'm considering folding tents and traveling for a while, but not at the least till march. Have to sell pop's house or make the best effort i can.

night