samuraicowboy

Tonight was really bad. I broke down. I cried for almost an hour, hard uncontrollable sobbing shaking tears mixing with salive crying. I also tend to scream in silence when I get overwhelmed, and believe me I did alot of that. And one other thing that I wont mention directly but simply say that I cant get the damn thing to stop bleeding.

I cant eat, I cant play any of my games to pass the time. I dont enjoy the boards right now. I am at the bottom of a pit full of nothing but darkness.

And now IM gonna lay down and try to force myself to go to sleep. If Im lucky this will all have gone away by the time I wake up, and hopefully the bleeding will have stopped.

Im not proud of what I did, and wont say that it was the right thing to do or the best solution, but when I overflow it happens and I cant make it stop. I need help, and Im working on getting it, im going to make an appointment on monday.

I love you monica, and right now your the only thing that can make me feel better, god, if your listening, please make her call me. Please god, I need your help.