samling

ladeedadummdididumm.....

i did 2 tarot readings for friends yesterday, and they both were exactly where they should be. now, if my friends would listen and do what's being needed, maybe they'd get new cards once in a while.

one friend is still very angry over wasting 12 years with a man who could never love her enough. he's selfish and mean. and in order for her to bring a right vibe to her life, she has to learn a few emotional habits. i hope it happens. she's a great person.

the other, well, he's pretty original. i've never met someone who is like him before. good kid, but he isn't trying to do anything with his life.

i had a dream that i was at work, but trying out for musical. isn't that wierd?

today i'm going down to vancouver if i can scam the money for gas from someone. there's a friend down there, and he's cool and all, but i'm not sure he knows i don't want anything more than just friendship from him. if he was a litle less lazy, i'd be happy to date him, but i know there are a few very important things about him that would never work in a relationship for me. he never wants to have kids, he's 33, won't hold down a job, is not secure in a lot of ways, very wishy washy. still parties, although not in the sense that he drinks a lot or does drugs but he's not like me in a lot of ways. and he needs a woman to take care of him. well, i take care of everyone, and when it comes to someone i'm looking for long term, that's not what i want. because i tend to burn myself out mommying people, i'd love to find someone who is strong enough to maybe want to take care of me. and i think i've had that once in my life. we recipricated each others feelings and wants. oh but that many moons ago, and i know that he and i run different lives now. i'm lucky to still count him as one of my favorites and most dear friends. too bad we couldn't work it out. but now i know it was for a reason.

so, if i wanted to get laid i could give this guy in vancouver the right signals...but i'm not ready for sex yet. i'm not sure i am ready for anything more than what he and i have. because i just know if i get entangled with this one, i might not see the right one when he comes along.

maybe i should cancell....i don't know how he talked me into going in the first place. he's good like that. but at the same time, i know i'll have a fun day once i get there. and if i don't, i'll leave. my little one does have the sniffles, so i can use that if i need to. but gosh, i hate giving excuses. i'm so confused. i'm gonna go hide now.

i love all of you who take the time to check in with me and see how i'm doing. thanks!