samitha

i miss nurse kaye!why are perfect people never permanent? ...i suppose it's because nothing's permanent and no one's perfect.
i just had the worst experience and i so wanted her to be here to take care of me...
i was on my way to pick up my new computer which is about a mile's walk, and my vision started to blur a little. i kept walking, figuring it was just the sun. it started to get worse, so i switched my glasses for sunglasses, and that didn't help. so i walked only on the shady side of the street, and that didn't help. i was trying to think what's wrong, and i decided it must just be that i'm wearing my glasses more. i was only a few blocks away and it would be stupid to turn back, so i go and get my computer.. at this point, my hearing is a little off too, bc i can't really understand what the apple guy is telling me and i can't really see him because everyithing is kind of swirling around like a screensaver.. kind of comical, but really disturbing. so i can guess what's wrong now. migraine. i am so pissed off bc it's my first migraine in a really long time. so i got a taxi home and went to bed hoping to sleep through any other fun side effects, but not before my arm went numb. thankfully not much of a headache this time, just the 'deviants', but now my head feels too full, like there's too much blood pumping around too quickly.
i HATE things like this. anything that reminds me that i'm frail and human and lesser and flawed and weak and dependent (although there's no one here i can depend on..) sends me into an instant existential panic (am i supposed to be here? am i supposed to be like this? is there something i could have done to change everything that's wrong?)

but on the brighter side, as there is almost always a brighter side...
i had a really great day before all that happened. a stunning date/first meeting at least i hope it was a date.. in retrospect, i think i was a little boring and i probably came off as immature, but she was lovely and open and hopefully she likes me enough to give me a second chance