sambaloco

i would be a liar if i said i felt better
if i said i felt ok with her
if i said i even felt ok writing this shit down
in some post adolescent "i'm having a hard time right now
and need to express it so of course its fucking
ok to write poetry...real men can write poetry!" way

honestly i feel sad. i feel lost. i feel like another chapter is closing.
yes
of course
there is a new chapter opening
but i feel lost right now.

I'm a serial monogamist or something like that.
I went from a year with Kyla to three months
with Teresa
to 5 months with Megan
to over a year with Angelica
almost no space in between
maybe i don't know how to be alone
is that wrong?
so what. so what if i can't be alone.
so what if i like
having a partner in crime

fuck you
fuck me
and my self doubt
why do i always doubt at these moments in my life
this isn't working and I doubt
the signs are clear
yet i doubt
i want to listen to my heart
but i second guess myself
i doubt
ugh
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
these are the moments when i channel
my frustration
into anger
into anger
into anger
and i exercise like a mad man
i get healthy.
spring into it man
seize the fucking day

.......................... .........................

that feels better...at least for now