samanthakayne

'come baby come
baby baby come come.'

sorry, i know, they lyrics are hideous, but they work, you gotta give me that!

so, this entry will prob be up for a little while - seeing as how i'll be on a sort of maternity leave. for updates, and hopefully pics, check out ironbhr's journal. he's the a/v team.

we go in tomorrow morning to evict/excavate/haul out miss sophie. it's weird after this long to have it be so soon. amazingly, it actually seems kind of sudden. we're ready though. well, as ready as any first time parents can be, lol.

the whole thing is really a bit of a miracle. you see, it was supposed to be really hard for me to get preggers. i have uterine fibroids - benign tumors, but tumors nonetheless. i had some removed in december of 2003, just in the hopes of preserving future fertility, but the docs still didn't promise anything... warned me that it might be difficult, but at least it was still probably a possiblity. for the record, it takes the "average" couple 6 months of trying to get pregnant. with my "difficulty" (ha!) it took us 3 months of not trying.

but when they remove the fibroids, they can't ever remove them all. and pregnancy makes them grow. that's why i'm so big. throughout this whole shebang i've measured close to 3 months ahead. yeah, no shit. it's like carrying twins, but one of the twins just happens to be space filler... so, preterm labor is the other real concern. i was warned that i probably wouldn't make it all the way to term, because by 6 months my body would think i was done... tomorrow, when we have the baby, i'll be a week from term.

so, that's why this is such a big deal medically.

emotionally is a whole different story.

i left a 5+ year relationship for a whole lot of reasons. yes, he was a loser, but he was, more importantly, never going to be a good father. then, last year, the universe dropped this utterly amazing man into my life. caring, sexy as fuck, smart as a whip, funny, sweet, enough of a badass to hold my attention a good long time. everything i would have asked for if i'd had my shit together enough to ask. and a hell of a lot i now know i wouldn't wanna live without but prob wouldn't have had the sense to ask for. i wasn't looking for anything. not a damn thing. certainly not a husband. but you don't pass up on the love of your life.

see, here's the thing. every single fucking day of my life is better than the day before it. every single fucking day. because he's the one that kisses me good morning and good night. and now, because we couldn't resist each other - we're bringing another little person into this. another person to love and be loved. wow.

i'm happy. happier than i ever had any idea i could be.