samanthakayne

'crashing silent broken down,
falling into night.
who gave up and who gave in?
i'll go without a fight.

cut me down or cut me dead,
cut me in or out.
kiss me blind time after time.
take away my doubt.

fix me now, i wish you would
bring me back to life.
fix me now.
kiss me blind, somebody should.
hollow into light.

things don't have to be this way.
catch me on a better day'

ahh, microwave popcorn and diet root beer snitched from the communal work fridge. breakfast of champions. fuckin' eh.

so, we had our first fight yesterday, i think. i was in a shitty mood and took it out on the one person who i love the most and who deserves it the least. sometimes i don't like me very much.

it's kinda funny somehow, if i'm actually pissed about something - i'll just tell you that i'm pissed and why. if you hurt my feelings - i'll tell you that (when i can without sobbing, lol). but when i'm really just disappointed - that's when i lash out. i think it's a remnant of all the 'not getting my way' tantrums i didn't have as a child.

so, long story short - a lot went wrong yesterday, and only one of the many things was even vaguely related to him. and i started that... (tangent - honey, blake says next time i say i have a question to ask you for you to call him first, lol. i think he's on your side.) but because i let my guard down, he got it all. grr. bad sam.

that said, the making up was really good. and honestly, it's i guess a bit of a relief to know that even when he's facing the worst of me, he still seems to love me.

the one actual issue is still yet to be settled, though.