I just wanted to come out and let everybody know once and for all that I am a heterosexual. I guess a metrosexual to be more exact. I know this news will come as a shock to my parents, friends, co-workers, and the many gay lovers I've bed over the years.
When I was a small child, I knew there was something different about me. It wasn't until I got to school that I thought I found out what that was. All of the bigger kids and bullies would always call me gay, fag, or queer. I always thought that they could see something inside of me that I couldn't see myself. So many people called me a fag when I was growing up, I figured it must be true.
I pretty much decided to go with it. I started to talk with a lisp and would let my wrist go limp for no reason. Sticking my pinky out when drinking tea seemed to come so naturally, it surely must have been a sign.
The dressing in women's clothing, singing show tunes, and going to bars wearing my daisy dukes, I don't know where that came from exactly. All I know is that I was having the time of my life discussing fashion and which celebrities had gotten fat.
Inside of me though, I'd see images of Bettie Page, Farrah Fawcett, Joyce DeWitt and Mindy from the Facts of Life. Images that would stir a raging fire inside me. When this fire would start to rage too hot, I would have to drown it out with white wine spritzers.
It was always a constant battle to hold back my love of football for fear that my secret would be discovered. Even though I could discuss the prospects of Joe Montana and Troy Aikman's performance this Sunday, it was something that I always needed to keep hidden. Some days, biting my tongue and holding back my intimate knowledge of the Bears defense, would be too much and I would have to run to the sanctuary of my bedroom and cry in my pillow.
More than anything today, I want to say that I think that Tony Romo is overrated and I think that Bret Favre should have stayed retired.
I really hope that this revelation won't damage the relationships I have with all of my friends. This is the time when I need everybody to support me the most and stand beside me.
Now, when I go to a bar and somebody calls me a fag or a queer, I can see that they are deeply troubled. I sit down with them and explain how I am totally 100% heterosexual. We do a lot of soul searching and it almost always ends with the bully crying into my shoulder and we have to hug it out until the pain is all gone.
Since I've finally come out, all of these fancies I had about photography, French cinema, and wine will have to be thrown out. I can't wait to go into work each Monday wearing my Browns jersey and giving my fellow heterosexuals a high five. I'll lay around on the couch each weekend, drinking Budweiser and watching football with my hand down my pants.
Now that everybody knows I am a full fledged, red blooded, heterosexual life will be so much simpler and everybody will love me.
When I was a small child, I knew there was something different about me. It wasn't until I got to school that I thought I found out what that was. All of the bigger kids and bullies would always call me gay, fag, or queer. I always thought that they could see something inside of me that I couldn't see myself. So many people called me a fag when I was growing up, I figured it must be true.
I pretty much decided to go with it. I started to talk with a lisp and would let my wrist go limp for no reason. Sticking my pinky out when drinking tea seemed to come so naturally, it surely must have been a sign.
The dressing in women's clothing, singing show tunes, and going to bars wearing my daisy dukes, I don't know where that came from exactly. All I know is that I was having the time of my life discussing fashion and which celebrities had gotten fat.
Inside of me though, I'd see images of Bettie Page, Farrah Fawcett, Joyce DeWitt and Mindy from the Facts of Life. Images that would stir a raging fire inside me. When this fire would start to rage too hot, I would have to drown it out with white wine spritzers.
It was always a constant battle to hold back my love of football for fear that my secret would be discovered. Even though I could discuss the prospects of Joe Montana and Troy Aikman's performance this Sunday, it was something that I always needed to keep hidden. Some days, biting my tongue and holding back my intimate knowledge of the Bears defense, would be too much and I would have to run to the sanctuary of my bedroom and cry in my pillow.
More than anything today, I want to say that I think that Tony Romo is overrated and I think that Bret Favre should have stayed retired.
I really hope that this revelation won't damage the relationships I have with all of my friends. This is the time when I need everybody to support me the most and stand beside me.
Now, when I go to a bar and somebody calls me a fag or a queer, I can see that they are deeply troubled. I sit down with them and explain how I am totally 100% heterosexual. We do a lot of soul searching and it almost always ends with the bully crying into my shoulder and we have to hug it out until the pain is all gone.
Since I've finally come out, all of these fancies I had about photography, French cinema, and wine will have to be thrown out. I can't wait to go into work each Monday wearing my Browns jersey and giving my fellow heterosexuals a high five. I'll lay around on the couch each weekend, drinking Budweiser and watching football with my hand down my pants.
Now that everybody knows I am a full fledged, red blooded, heterosexual life will be so much simpler and everybody will love me.
viking:
Sexuality is a confusing subject. But why would you be on a naked girls website if you thought you were gay? Ha! Logic conundrum.
fabrizia:
no need to fit into a category. tell other people to deal with it. perhaps you make them uncomfortable with something inside if them?