Today at 5 A.M
my heart skipped a beat--
without trying to overanalyze my disturbed mind
or sweep away my overly emotional and scared childhood memories.
I saw in my dreaming eyes,
as I lay in my bed
physically safe at night;
the image of my father beating me -
freakishly beating me.
Whipping me with a belt
I look at him and see
that evil look on his face
that made him seem hysterical.
In the dream it was 7 a.m
I was around the age that I am now,
my older sister called her cell phone-
she was locked out
and once again out all night,
by the tone of my voice
she knew not to come to the house until at least
a few more hours.
While on the phone
I could vaguely hear my mother pleading with my father
but it was no use
by then the iron had been plugged and he was
going to burn me.
I hung up the phone
and gasped
there was nothing to do but
allow it to happen
I'll struggle but what's the point
its gonna happen anyway.
Might as well let it happen now and
hope it goes by quickly.
I didn't sleep long enough to feel the iron
penetrate my already sore skin
by then I cried out from my sleep "MOMMY!!!!!!"
I opened my eyes and
I am in my own bed, in my own place
My cousin away at her boyfriend's
and
I cried to no one
None heard me
and my heart skipped a beat.
*****I think I have a lot of issues that I need to work out- My Dad never beat me that bad- well not bad enough where it got to an iron- but his eyes were always enraged like some rabid animal .....I'm afraid of intimacy and this has to be the root of it. For the past two years or so I have been yelling out in my sleep- like literally yellng.
The first cycle of dreams I yelled out " Daddy!!!" and now I guess I'm starting the "Mommy!!!" cycle- I have issues with both of them as people and parents but this doesn't mean I don't love them- its always even sadder when no one is there to comfort me afterwards.*****
I know that probably no one will read this
Just took a "Which Family Guy character are you?" test and I'm Brian- Courtesy of the family guy group I just joined of course- heres the link if you wanna know who you are
family guy
my heart skipped a beat--
without trying to overanalyze my disturbed mind
or sweep away my overly emotional and scared childhood memories.
I saw in my dreaming eyes,
as I lay in my bed
physically safe at night;
the image of my father beating me -
freakishly beating me.
Whipping me with a belt
I look at him and see
that evil look on his face
that made him seem hysterical.
In the dream it was 7 a.m
I was around the age that I am now,
my older sister called her cell phone-
she was locked out
and once again out all night,
by the tone of my voice
she knew not to come to the house until at least
a few more hours.
While on the phone
I could vaguely hear my mother pleading with my father
but it was no use
by then the iron had been plugged and he was
going to burn me.
I hung up the phone
and gasped
there was nothing to do but
allow it to happen
I'll struggle but what's the point
its gonna happen anyway.
Might as well let it happen now and
hope it goes by quickly.
I didn't sleep long enough to feel the iron
penetrate my already sore skin
by then I cried out from my sleep "MOMMY!!!!!!"
I opened my eyes and
I am in my own bed, in my own place
My cousin away at her boyfriend's
and
I cried to no one
None heard me
and my heart skipped a beat.
*****I think I have a lot of issues that I need to work out- My Dad never beat me that bad- well not bad enough where it got to an iron- but his eyes were always enraged like some rabid animal .....I'm afraid of intimacy and this has to be the root of it. For the past two years or so I have been yelling out in my sleep- like literally yellng.
The first cycle of dreams I yelled out " Daddy!!!" and now I guess I'm starting the "Mommy!!!" cycle- I have issues with both of them as people and parents but this doesn't mean I don't love them- its always even sadder when no one is there to comfort me afterwards.*****
I know that probably no one will read this
Just took a "Which Family Guy character are you?" test and I'm Brian- Courtesy of the family guy group I just joined of course- heres the link if you wanna know who you are
family guy
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Thanks re the pics. I liked your pics as well. You're pretty.
If you ever want to email to just vent or whatever, please feel free to do so.
I'm sorry that you are dealing with such painful memories but perhaps seeing the need to confront and release your emotions will lead to a resolution.
I wish I could be there physically but here's a virtual hug. *HUG*
Stay strong, sweetie but know you don't have to carry the weight of the world (or pain in your heart) alone.