sallydollie

i woke up today, felt the warm rays of happiness infiltrate my being. i wandered through the day in a misty haze. surrounded by the lasting comfort of tranquility. it was the eye before the storm. and the storm waited for me until i had no chance of recovering. it waited until i was helpless and weak to rage its war on my being.

sometimes i see things in like that fill me with joy. like watching a child take their first steps. other thing can fill me with such sadness. like a baby bird falling from its nest. and yet i have to remind myself that this is what life is a renewal. and sometimes renewals do not always instill confidence in the world.

then there are the things that i imagine. i take one image and substitute it with my own personal train of thought. for example, i saw a rainbow today. not one of those pretty rainbows filled with color and brightness. but a pitch black rainbow. so dark and inky that no reflection could be seen in it. that rainbow filled me with such dread and forlorn. i couldnt even catch the single tear that rolled down my cheek. that rainbow represent everything i fear most. it was my own person reminder that hell is real.

why does death have to be real? why do people have to fight for their beliefs and to make the world good? and why do people not understand the sacrifice it takes for those people to stand beside the ones who make that decision to fight and stand up for what they believe in?

once he comes home. my rainbow of sorrow will turn into a rainbow of cheer and happiness. till then, i dont want it to rain anymore. the promise of a rainbow isnt good enough.