sakita

so.. this week has been so fucked up. right now im on "leave" from the psych ward. tuesday, i went to the dr. to stop my mind racing.. and apparently i scored high enough on the depression test that they were like "
we highly recommend you stay in." so i stayed in 2 days and then came out on "leave" had to go in and get my meds today, and then on monday i go back and discuss my future plans. they actually want me to check in every other day, (they wanted to keep me there3 for at least a month.) anyway. one of the medicines is for schizophrenia. i have a friend who wants more than to be friends, and last week, he messaged me and asked if i was awake, which i wasnt. i messaged him the next day, no answer, this went on for a few days...then i sent him this message:

my heart is broke, but ive got some glue
stealing words from nirvana
the evil mothers said that words can destroy a woman,
but they were wrong. words can hurt a woman,
its the fucking silence that smashes a woman.
and there isnt a god damned thing i can do
because no body likes a red faced girl

and i got a message... saying how sorry he was that his phone was broken (like he doesnt have another fucking phone) and "i like U a lot KANSAS"

which what he calls me and it is ok cuz i call him martain. i just hate that he likes me a lot and then cant be bothered to come see me in the hospital (even tho he lives within walking distance of the hospital.) then again, they didnt let any one besides my husband visit me. i wasnt even allowed to leave the ward myself. i felt so one flew over the cuccoos nest. im just manic depressive, and one lady there scared the shit out of me. she was fucking all over the place and it made me feel better and worse. better cuz i saw how fall someone can go, and worse for the same reason