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saintadatha

United Kingdom

Member Since 2004

Followers 26 Following 83

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Tuesday Oct 11, 2005

Oct 11, 2005
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right.

torn between the desires to destroy and express (in which even the former is a case of the latter).

i was all like: "this is ultimately your decision. now you know where i stand... but i can't fix things inside your head. only you can do that."

she's a psychology student, so i'm not sure if that helped or not.

i really can't stand this nauseating burn, this frustrating sense of... of... of, well, helplessness, i suppose.

i want so much to call her up. to see her. to grab her by the shoulders and shake some her. to cry, "don't be a fool!"

this is why i've been opting out for so long.
and it's only been a week with her. technically a week and a half.

spend a day apart and see what happens?!

but it's like i said at the start: right.
right, as in true. as in just.

just.
just okay. just how it is.
just be calm. just be cool.
just just just.

i feel like i'm 17 again... and i just don't know...

"you're strong," she said at one point as we sat on a pier on the south bank. "i know that i won't break you either way. i know that you'll survive."

it doesn't bode too well folks. which is a shame.
i really like this one.

offer a prayer for me.
send a little thought for the girl who's such a welcome pain in the arse.

a long time ago i wrote a tale about a girl with a cursed heart.
she asked me to tell her a story onw night, as she lay in my arms, drifting alowly away from the world... so i told her that story. i told her about "song-field" and the curse that she bore.

"do you think someone's heart can really be cursed?" she asked me afterwards.
"no."

was i lying?


i'm trying to be all addie about this.
really i am.
all cool and encompassing and with faith in the universe...
i'm trying. i really am.
(as my uncle would say: yes, you're very trying.)

but what i really hate is that there is now nothing that i can do.
i feel like i want to go and get absolutely hammered.
but that won't help at all...

so i'm going to treck out to a capoeira class in camden,
then come home, maybe smoke a little spliff, maybe not,
try to sleep,
and get up early for uni tomorrow.

life, as they say, goes on.

they say many things.
i hate them.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
leola:
They suck. But she sounds good. Is it really not going to work? But you wouldn't want not to have experienced her... kiss
Oct 12, 2005
keturah:
well, while im sure that hanging out in Thailand with you would invovle much more excitement than with my mother
i dont think i will put it off for a whole year
i do however reserve the right to take another vacation in a year tongue

no, it cant rain all the time. however, it can apparently rain all the times that im not sleeping or at work whatever

and you are fishing in London, i am fisihing in a small town in the bible belt. Our fish seem to have caught some disease and are all rotten. If i were fishing there im quite certain there are many fish id like to taste biggrin
Oct 13, 2005

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