sailorjessie

Biked 18 miles in under an hour at the gym today. My friend James told me he did 34 in 2 hours last week, so i had a better average haha! Im going to have to try to do 35 in 2 hours so i can boast. Anywho, now down 4.6lbs. If its not raining again in the morning maybe ill go for an actual bike ride at the park, although after this much rain, off roading is out. A day at the park may be just what i need.

Im still having those thoughts of, is the life i wanted. I have these yearnings to go explore and do more than im capable of while being in a relationship. Part of me misses the single days i took for granted, when i could go and come as i please and not worry about living my life around someone else's schedule or trying to get the attention i want. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but ive wrestled with it for a long time now and dont think i can change it. Maybe its really issues with myself that are the problem. I always downed myself and feel like im not good enough. Im not a psychology major, but i understand where that stuff comes from in my past, but i dont know how to change that either. Maybe its depression like people have suggested to me, but dammit i dont want to take a pill to be happy.