saffire

I thought I would illustrate how gross my boyfriend is. AND you thought the bo blow was bad??? If you don't know what the BO blow is it's when he lifts his arm pit after a long hard day at work. Stinkin' and sweaty..... One night before it all started, my love and I were lying on the bed, he lovingly put his arm around me, took a deep breath and blew his bo into my face. He does many disgusting things and it's time to spill the beans on his atrocities. I'm going to blow the whistle on the bo.

He takes pictures of, well, his, you know.... poo. And sends them to me. An array of shit, what's worse is that he gives them names like his favourite ones 'Crystal' and 'Critter'.
He pulls his pubes out of his ass and puts them on me... I know this because it's just happened, and it's still somewhere on my chest. He stuck a can of soup up his arse and when I'd forgotten about it he asked me to put the soup on, I ignored him (lazy bastard) so he put the tin on my face as I tried to continue ignoring him. He began chuckling, I wasn't quite sure why he found it amusing. It dawned on me, the smell was a placebo. An absolutely abhorrent experience. I should be welcomed with unicorns, hearts and chocolate, instead I get clouds of stench and arse awaiting me.

The final straw. The other night he chased me with his bum and rubbed it on my all-in-one pyjamas. He proceeded to the toilet and, upon re-entering the room exclaimed that it stank. He let me know that his bum may not have been squeaky clean. I took my pyjamas off and to my horror faint lines of grossness were visable. Pleased with his shock tactics he stood up naked and brandished a hair dryer and blew even more stink towards me. Why am I with him? Sometimes I am astonished by his tenacity and his arse. It does make me laugh, I wished I didn't laugh at it so much, I go through laughing to pure anger and fury. I feel relieved to get it off my chest.. The fucking pubes!!!! Ughhh!!!
Today, he stuck a monkey nut up his arse and threw it at me. He wont be laughing when he sees this hahahahahaaaa. Surpring for someone who is so shy huh? I always swear I will fart in his face when he's asleep but I never wake up to do it... One day.... Enjoy my illustration.