saffire

Hello SG's, ladies and rockermen.

I have a story that would take you turn in your grave and maggots from Satan himself crawl out of your eyes into pools of acid. I shall call this story...

Vomit Volcano.

Earlier on today as I was writing to a dear friend of mine when odd things started to happen. My computer screen began wobbling and I felt sea sick. I am in Australia on holiday and according to my memory (lack of) I thought there were no fault lines, therefore no earthquakes. But I couldn't be sure.

The house began to shake and I ran with the dog outside, the dog was unphased, and everything else looked fine.

So I got back on the computer and it started again, I listened for a moment and realised that the unimaginable was happening. GROSS!!!!!!! TOTALLY FUCKING GROSS!!!!!! I remembered that my friend had a lady chick round and they were doing it!!! EEWWWWW. Just imagine a person you know that to think of them making whoop whoop would disgust you, I think he had the hots for me ages ago and that made it worse.

It gets way worse.. She starts moaning, you wont believe this he's just come in as I was writing this!! I can't even look at him. Then he starts moaning, so I took the dog back outside and did some washing, GOOD LORD you should never have to cope with that. It was bad enough hearing my sis doing it, and accidently mum and dad.

I texted the mates we lived with "SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS HAPPENING IN YOUR HOUSE!!! J IS DOING IT!!!!"
"Jesus Christ!! Get outta there!!!" They replied.

I sat down at the table to eat breakfast. J came in to the kitchen, then starting singing and whistling. This man is getting more cunt than me and he's a fugly! He came and sat next to me with his gut hangin out and started eating a 3 day old stew that we made. I stared into my musli as he went on talking about things that reminded me of them having sex. He went to use the microwave and asked me to come and look inside it. In there were about 6 stinky sausages shaped like penises, the other house mates left it in there by accident. I just wanted to shout "You've had sex! You're gross."

Then I noticed love bites and scratches all over his body. I spewed in my mouth briefly. He mentioned the southbank public pool and how it was gross that people were having sex in there after hours when kids play in there during the day. I burst out laughing and pretended it was a coughing fit.

One day I will have sex again... and I will feel sexy.

xxxxxxxxxxx