saeval

so, went to my first ren faire yesterday, was truly boggled at the outcome. I really thought that it'd be basically the bottom 10% of the dnd convention, multiplied by 10. boy was I ever wrong. it was a huge event, much bigger than I thought it'd be, filled with beautiful women and silly overpriced trinkets you still want to buy, but know you shouldn't.
I had a blast, and will definitely be doing it again.

My ex texted me throughout the event... she just got her phone back today, after a month of being phoneless. if the ren faire wasn't so damn fun, that would have had great potential to ruin my day. when we were herding ourselves back to the car, she called, semi-crying cause there was a semi-crisis going on.

she basically said "I'm sorry for calling, it's just that when there's a problem I come to you, you make me feel comfortable, and know just what to say" and by basically, I mean that is what she said. -_o

...... GAH. so frustrating. she wants to see me tuesday cause she misses me. I don't know what any of this entails. I don't want to be her friend.... but I don't know if i can trust being her boyfriend either. she wigged out on me once already. I really care for her, and the foolish in-love part of me is screaming "yes! yes! finally she's waking up!" but the cautious, previously hurt me is being suspicious and protective.

I want her to be happy, I really do... but right now I'm not sure if I could be happy... making her happy. there is lots of danger for my own heart in this scenario.

what a mindfuck.