sabine

oh yeah, another day. oh no, what a waste.
i'm mostly being dramatic, but sundays really do feel like death to me.
only good thing about sundays really is six feet under, who's with me on this? anyone else gravely (no pun intended haha im such a dork) disappointed in this season so far? before, each episode touched me in some way, or at least made me ponder a little, but now it's just not doing it. it's just...lacking. i'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt, maybe they're building up to something great. we'll see...
other disappointments on the weekend: rules of attraction. jeez ive waited so long to see this movie, heard so many things, i was expected a lot and was very much let down. again, just didn't do it for me. i could feel for the character's rejection b/c i know all too well what it's like to want someone so badly who just doesnt feel the same, but otherwise i was just thinking what's the point. it wasn't a total lost, there were some really well executed scenes and some humor, but still random chicken.
maybe i should implement a chicken rating system. or maybe not.
to throw in more random song lyrics, i want to be well liked. but i'm scared to let people in. now you know everything about me. how ironic it is, really. all my life i've given all of myself, cared so easily and so completely, trusted and forgiven, and felt so sorry for people who just can't get close to others. but now, i feel so strangely, like this is my fate. i don't want to jump in with anyone (before when i thought this, i would always get caught up in a moment anyway and things would take off uncontrollably from there). i don't want to hold back. at least i thought i would never want to. but now, i think my thoughts on it all has changed. i tend to care, a lot, and expect people to understand how much i care, and even then rarely recieve it back to the same degree. just doesn't seem worth it anymore. at least not until i know i can really trust someone. and will that moment ever come? it scares the hell out of me, how you can think you know someone so well, but the things people are capable of doing to each other, even without meaning too, it's awful. i don't want to care again just to get hurt. does anyone ever really know anyone else or just have an illusion? i never questioned things like that before, i've felt true love, without limits, or doubts, or insecurites, just complete understanding. but it's been so damn long and now even getting to know people just seems like so much work just to get rejected in the end. deep down i am far from a cynic. there's a hopeful little romantic down there. usually she's dominant, but for now i want to keep her dormant. i want to be logical, and cautious, and not make a move until i truly feel it. i want to tell whoever i date that just when he thinks things can't move any slower, that's how slow i want them to go. and i want them to understand. and if they don't, one less person to worry with. i'm not even sure i want to date anyone else, but you can't always have who you want, and who you want isn't always who you should really have anyway.. this terrible cynic isn't me, and i'm not going to whine that i've been changed from being heartbroken on numerous occasions, but this is how i feel for now. phew. feels good to have all of that out.. i just really don't know what i want anymore or if i'll find it. we'll see, right..
enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute. go on...