sabine

i need someone, a person to talk to
some to care,
to love..
could it be you?...

situation gets rough and i start to panic.
it's not enough, it's just a habit.
and kid you're sick
well darling this is it...

the more i need people, the harder it is to reach out to them.

yesterday i wanted to keep driving until i ran out of gas someplace away from here with no one but me. i wondered if i'd even feel more lost and alone than i did before. it was doubtful.

lately it's all about the methods of escape and activities of distraction. sometimes it seems like that's all life is anyway. pot, alcohol, food, shopping. who's to say what's self destruction and what's entertainment. sometimes, though, i worry that i'm becoming everything i hate. superficial, materialistic. all the stuff i buy, all the silly little judgements that flash through my head. but i know that's not me. it's not defining of who i am..
ah well

enough ramblings for now.

PS i just added pics of my new hair. my webcam sucks, but there are stripes bleached then dyed fuschia and purple. my bangs have been blue for a while