s5

how to eat a mango (in high heels).

it all begins with a moment of humid desire: ripeness of the flesh, and a slow trickle of wetness that coats the outer skin.

the best mangos come from hot places. the best mangos are small, and sweet. under no circumstances should a mango be larger than your fist. choose a mango that is orange, soft to the touch, and undented. you will know that you've chosen the right mango when it slithers against your tongue like candy. the perfect reward.

now, hold the mango in your hand and declare your intention: i will open you. i will push my face against you. i will eat you. yes, you are ready.

with a sharp paring knife, hold the mango in your hand, upright. the base of the mango should balance against a cutting surface, and the tip of the mango should point up.

begin from the middle. always begin from the middle. with the flat of the knife in the same plane as the belly of the mango, begin cutting from the middle, from top to bottom. when the blade contacts the pit, cut around the pit. do not attempt to cut through the pit. do not cut too closely to the pit. cut around the pit.

do this again to the other side. cut around the pit from the other side. you should be left with two identical mango halfs, and a pit with flesh and skin around its edges.

you are almost done.

by now, you are impatient. you have undressed the mango, and its flesh is taunting you for a tawdry slurp. you want to lap it up like a monkey, face first, brain second. you want to take every drop, and you want to do it now.

patience.

cut squares into each mango half. first, draw several horizontal lines, with the knife, into each mango half. then cross the horizontal lines with vertical lines. the mango flesh should now be cut into squares. do this to both halves, but do not peel or pierce the skin. the skin will hold the mango together.

now, push against the mango skin from behind. you have inverted the mango half into fleshy cubes, held together by skin. do this to both halves.

eat the cubes. eat every cube of mango flesh. allow the mango to be in your face, on your lips and nose, forehead, eyelashes, cheeks, and caught in between your front teeth. do this to both halves. once you have eaten every bit of mango flesh, lick what you can from the skin. suck against the skin until nothing remains.

peel the skin from the pit, and suck everything off the pit.

by now, there should be nothing left but skin, pit, and whatever is left on your face. feel satisfied. if you smoke, now's the time.