ryze

" here's to the men that we love..
Here's to the men that love us..
But the men that we love
Will never love us
So fuck all the men
Here's to us."

Im sick of being the last one.
im sick of being the one who "wasnt as much as expected"
im not enough.
i make them give up things..
give up the others..
I am the cause of sacrifice..
(not intentionally and not even really in a bad way)
they sacrifice top priorities for me..
but then..
they realize.. once that so-called priority is let go..
there is so much room for so much more...
than me.
They fall head over heels...
they fall in love with what they think is me..
they fall in love with whatever it is makes them want to give up the something they thought they never could..
once they do..
im "just a good friend"
this is the story of my life..
if you are one of the "they" refering to..
you know im not wrong.
Can i ever be more than just a band-aid..
a realization..
a light..
could i ever be THEE light for anyone..
ha ha
no
neverthat.
Could i ever be someone to say more than
"im glad i met you" to?
can i ever be someone to be more than merely "glad" about
could anyone be completely rapacious over me?
no.. that could never happen..
not for too long.
for a few months..
even someone obsessed with me will get over me in a few months..
i dont look forward to SHIT anymore..
no one will truly be in love with me ..
just in love with the idea i provide..
the idea of freedom from something
someone
someplace.
i am a personified form of rehab.
im not meant to be..
to be...
i feel im not meant to truly mean any real thing ..
to anyone..
i must just except this.
im not anything but...
a windshield wiper.
haha
exactly.
i clear the rain falling in your sight
now you can see how open the road is infront of you.
but think...
youre always glad you have windshild wipers..
yet..
you always look passed them.
DAMMIT..
i want to be the what you see when your eyes are clear..
not just the utencil used to clear them.
but i have just acceped that this will never happen.