ryman

the house is so quiet.... Soemthing earnest and literary on Radio 4 humming in the background and a tap dripping, but apart from that, NOTHING. and it's glorious.

It's strange to think that at the weekend I was feeling more alone than I think I have done since I moved here and everything happened. Lonely: I admit it now. I've said it: one click and...
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I think I'm going to Glasgow today, try and do my christmas shopping (probably just end up buying myself a whole load of crap, but anyway....) and just get out of this city. There are things I don't need to think about today, not right now.
Later, there's always later.

It's one of those frighteningly bright winter days, probably freezing too, but that cold crisp...
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"and last nights drunken ramblings/ are the next day's apologies...."
so just bear that in mind.
All said, I had a lovely night, and I almost succeeding in not thinking too much. And right now I'm trying really hard not to think about the next week.
so let's not.
somebody come and take me away and lose me somewhere warm, just for a second or...
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this getting old thing? I've had enough.
another year to add to the list of things I meant to do, and things I just didn't plan for:
good things, great things and things that suck a little.
Next year: who knows?
tonight I'm going out for a meal with some friends (but not the ones who have cancelled or wimped out on me - the...
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Finally pausing to catch breath, late night listening to a tape of sad old country songs that somebody made me years ago. I can't even remember who....
which is my other secret for the day. I don't have many left, but they're in there somewhere. Like a friend told me once, my depths have surprising shallows.
A few weeks ago I was lying in bed...
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today I'm doing my domestic goddess routine. Ironing and baking and generally trying to put everything in my world in its right place.
I was horribly, messily drunk last night and woke up this morning wishing that the sky would fall on me and put me out of my misery.... and for a moment, looking outside the window at the great big black lumbering clouds...
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today, for the first time in absolutely ages I called in sick. I felt a bit guilty for all of 3 minutes before I made some coffee and toast, went back to bed and fell asleep for another three hours. Spent the rest of the day
pottering about the house in your pyjamas, dosed up on flu medications and feeling smug about not being at...
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"practice makes perfect."

the past month has been a bit dizzying, too much spinning around without remembering all of the things that are generally considered important for staying sane and alive.
And the truth of it is that none of this crap matters anyway, it's all so much filling space between the things that actually matter to me, that I miss.
and then you meet...
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I really want this weekend to be done, but I don't want it to be next week already. Does that make any sense? The temptation to phone in sick tomorrow is growing...
Its been a weird one: the parents were through yesterday and it was really good to see them again, I've left it too long, but I get a bit scared and worried each...
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Hmmmm....
not too enthusiastic about the whole redesign thing. All horrible and boxy and clunky, and I'm not even going to start about the artwork.