the house is so quiet.... Soemthing earnest and literary on Radio 4 humming in the background and a tap dripping, but apart from that, NOTHING. and it's glorious.
It's strange to think that at the weekend I was feeling more alone than I think I have done since I moved here and everything happened. Lonely: I admit it now. I've said it: one click and its out there. Irrevocable.
but there are all the times when I just need to be alone (said in my best Marlene Dietrich voice...) and everything else just seems like too much effort for the sake of saving face. Like I just want to hide in the bath and sink and open my eyes: see the world at a watery remove (brighter and in-focus for once) and hear the sound of the blood and water sloshing in my ears. And you know, for the moments while my breath lasts, there is nothing else out there and that feels amazing. I'm not even going to start about how much time i spend in the shower each morning, mostly in denial...
but then there are the times like saturday when I just need to be with someone, like everybody does. I don't know if it was just the weather, or the time of year; or the realisation that the people I most wanted to be with were very far away, or running away and falling in love with someone else...
Some nights I just need a hug, and Saturday was one of them.
and tonight it's okay.
weird, isn't it?
xxxx d
how are you?
It's strange to think that at the weekend I was feeling more alone than I think I have done since I moved here and everything happened. Lonely: I admit it now. I've said it: one click and its out there. Irrevocable.
but there are all the times when I just need to be alone (said in my best Marlene Dietrich voice...) and everything else just seems like too much effort for the sake of saving face. Like I just want to hide in the bath and sink and open my eyes: see the world at a watery remove (brighter and in-focus for once) and hear the sound of the blood and water sloshing in my ears. And you know, for the moments while my breath lasts, there is nothing else out there and that feels amazing. I'm not even going to start about how much time i spend in the shower each morning, mostly in denial...
but then there are the times like saturday when I just need to be with someone, like everybody does. I don't know if it was just the weather, or the time of year; or the realisation that the people I most wanted to be with were very far away, or running away and falling in love with someone else...
Some nights I just need a hug, and Saturday was one of them.
and tonight it's okay.
weird, isn't it?
xxxx d
how are you?
Here's a hug for you :::hug::: sorry I can't give it you in person, I do know how you feel
Cherry xox