My first blog homework! But I guess I'm kind of cheating. I wrote this a few years ago, back when I was writing more consistently. I thought it was fitting for this @bloghomework , so I dug it out of it's blog grave. These are the things I look forward to the most every fall. Hope it hits some of you right in the feels. @rambo @missy
autumnal emotions
fall is approaching, i can feel it in my bones. theres something just so magical about fall...the combination of warm sunlight and the crisp chill that lingers in the air. the warm comforting smells of baked apples and pumpkin spices. the perfect juxtaposition of a warm coffee in your hand as you walk down the street. the lazy morning attitude your body automatically adheres to as the frigidity of the morning slows your busy pace and allows you to enjoy the simple pleasures of a cuddly blanket, warm breakfast, and old cartoons. the need for layers; cozy, soft, light layers that you shed throughout the day and gather back on at dusk. the nights easing their way in earlier each day, making late evening adventures feel even more adventure-y. driving with your windows down. sleeping with your windows open. letting the crisp fall air surround you and fill you with the buzz of change. theres tangible excitement in the atmosphere, and it creeps undeniably under your skin with each passing day.
i dont know what it is about the first chilly feelings but it makes my heart grow almost to the point of bursting. like i've been waiting for something all year and it's so near i can taste it. like the night before vacation, how the little kid inside of you buzzes around excitedly, preventing you from sleeping. i think it may be the very fact that fall is so fleeting. this perfectly temperatured world only exists transitionally, and i feel the need to cherish each beautiful moment. maybe i connect with this feeling of temporary, of a goodbye i know will come too soon, and am comforted by the symmetry between the world outside and the one inside myself. and it seems the most beautiful of all seasons to me. even more beautiful than the budding new life of spring, is the decaying life of fall. the colors, magnificently bright and harmonious...i want to savor each changing leaf, to press every last one in a book and save it for years to come. but the beauty is in the fact that they will fall. that their glow is their last big triumphant bang of their lives.
i often day dream about moving someplace where its warm year-round. eternal summer. but i cannot deny that i adore the changing seasons. because change is the only constant, and when the world physically and naturally changes around you, there is no escaping that reality. no living in your perfect eternal summer bubble. youre forced to reckon with change, right in your face, day in and day out. and it is a nice reminder that change is a good thing. that eventually you have to let go, just like the leaves.
the chill of fall always brings back fond memories of high school football games in ratty sweatshirts and jeans, eating walking tacos and loitering in the parking lot. friday night games were the celebration of the end of each dreadful week spent like a slave in classes that were far too easy to complain about. everyone was there...the boy you had a crush on that week, the girl you secretly hated but were nice to her face, the one kid that always painted their body no matter how cold it was, your crew of undeniably the coolest people to ever walk the school grounds, even the weird kid that never talked in class was there, and you were all connected by the bond of rooting for your team, even though they lost almost every game. and the after game trips to friendly's for ice cream and cheese fries, back when you didn't count calories or tip your waitress more than a dollar.
and haunted houses, it wouldn't be fall without haunted houses and scary movies. maybe thats where the excitement i feel comes from, the subconscious knowledge that soon i will deliberately scare myself to the point of hysterical laughing. i absolutely love halloween.
also...fall is cuddle weather. it just is. i just want to snuggle all of my friends in one giant pile of smiling humans. i want to lay in a bed with 17 kittens and watch old black and white movies until i fall asleep. i want to build a blanket fort and sleep under it with a comfortable boy beside me. i want to carve pumpkins and cook the pumpkin seeds and eat them and share stories and laugh until my stomach hurts. i want to go to a bonfire and make smores for everyone there. i want to wear fingerless gloves and scarves that feel like they're hugging me all day long. i want to burn cinnamon swirl candles and put up fake cobwebs in my apartment and watch my cat play with them. i want to drink beer outside in an oversized hoodie that smells like someone else. i want to spend an entire day in my underwear and a blanket watching friends and playing mario kart and baking cookies. i want fall. i need fall. i crave fall.