runround

so since I moved back to FL and got obsessed with hula hooping I have been losing weight. not a crazy amount mind you, and i don't weigh myself so I can't tell you in lbs, but when we left WA I was a tight 20...and now the 16 jeans i bought a month ago are like hanging off my ass. before you get all congratulatory thats not the point...so even at my chubbiest I never had negative body envy, just like omg look at how amazing that dames ass is, but for some reason lately I have been letting the way other people look effect how I feel about how I look. I for the life of me cannot figure out why. I find curvy women beyond aesthetically pleasing, and up until recently I without waiver have been honored to float amongst their ranks...so why now all of a sudden, and especially after actually losing weight (in fact being the smallest I have been in my adult life) have I decided to develop some fucking skinny girl complex. Its ridiculous. I don't even like my body as much smaller so why do I have this thing now. It's driving me mad. I have never had body image issues to any degree further than the occasional ugly day. but like 2 weeks ago I met a friends gf whos like 5 foot of 98 lbs soaking wet and for 2 fucking days I felt like I took up the space of 3 humans. And I keep picking out skinny parts on people i want...not even really because I actually dig it, or would want to look at people who looked like that...I dont even know why see what I fucking mean. Lance loves my body and does everything humanly possibly to convey as such. Every other person in my life has nothing but nice things to say about teh curves. There is absolutely no reason for this nonsense, and yet here I am. I mean how crazy is it to lose weight and then develop body issues. Ugh. I dont really even know why I wrote this...
its all crazy talk.