I'm exhausted by people.. family and friends alike. But I'm profoundly lonely. The dichotomy is tearing me apart. Why are things so fucking complicated? My anger levels have been spiking... well, not anger as much as frustration.. maybe temper? WTF is wrong with me and WTF is wrong with people? My family has no idea who I am, the don't take me seriously and are in fact being so negative about my returning to school for my masters that I have no desire to talk to them about it, or about my excitement. I'm even going so far as to avoid them entirely. I've got nothing to talk to them about, and like I said... i feel liek they don't even fucking know who I am.
My friends have all but disappeared. I've got no connection with any of them and they seem to slip into my life for special occasions and the rare evening out.
My romantic life has been a series of unsuccessful connections, and uncomfortable situations. Is what i want so hard to find? Is it asking too much, or trying to date out of my league? the one girl i have feelings for will most certainly be the downfall of my sanity and grip on reality... and self confidence. I'm beginning to feel like I'm frankly being used. taken advantage of. Serving a purpose, and i don't think that this is all a good idea. But if I tell her that, then i'm going to look like the bad guy.. can't handle the friendship... a baby... not manning up... She's going to ruin me if I let her.... so i should run..
nobody runs like me... I run very well and I'm good at not looking back when i do run.
run rabbit... run....
My friends have all but disappeared. I've got no connection with any of them and they seem to slip into my life for special occasions and the rare evening out.
My romantic life has been a series of unsuccessful connections, and uncomfortable situations. Is what i want so hard to find? Is it asking too much, or trying to date out of my league? the one girl i have feelings for will most certainly be the downfall of my sanity and grip on reality... and self confidence. I'm beginning to feel like I'm frankly being used. taken advantage of. Serving a purpose, and i don't think that this is all a good idea. But if I tell her that, then i'm going to look like the bad guy.. can't handle the friendship... a baby... not manning up... She's going to ruin me if I let her.... so i should run..
nobody runs like me... I run very well and I'm good at not looking back when i do run.
run rabbit... run....
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Run away? Like Maniac Magee? Maybe you'll learn some important race-relations lessons from it all
I do know what you mean about your family not understanding who you are and your friends not really being there. It's tough when the only thing you can lean on is yourself. Someone on this site gave me a pretty valuable quote that really applies in situations like these (it's what I use): "you are your own best champion."
Basically, just keep plugging along, rely on no one to move your life along for you. I might even go so far as to say don't rely on anyone more than you have to. People tend to disappoint.
Anyway, I discovered that people were disappointing me because I was expecting things from them that they just weren't capable of giving. I dropped a lot of people, friends and romantic interests, out of my life because I realized they couldn't give me what I wanted. And I'm still working on accepting that the family I have is not the caring family I wanted or deserved. But I'm much more comfortable with newer people I have in my life, and I'm happier with everything I'm doing.
The most important thing for you to know is this: you have every right to feel frustrated, angry, and sad, and you deserve to feel better.